Miami Hurricanes Fans Drag RedHawks QB Brett Gabbert After He Declared Oxford, Ohio The Real Miami And Then Lost 38-3

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There is no longer any confusion over who owns the Confusion Bowl and where the real Miami resides. For those who had any doubt, it’s Coral Gables — home of the Miami Hurricanes.

And yes, there were some doubters out there, like Miami of Ohio QB Brett Gabbert. Remember him? The cat who called out the Canes last week and said he’d show them where the real Miami is Sept. 1?

Well … yesterday was Sept. 1. The two Miami rivals faced off in Coral Gables.

The Hurricanes won, 38-3. Gabbert was benched in the fourth quarter.

Not great for the RedHawk truthers out there!

Again, not great!

Look, this was bound to happen, right? I’m always #TeamSmackTalk, but this was inevitable. I said it last week when poor Brett here decided to poke the bear — this just wasn’t the right time.

The Hurricanes were AWFUL last year. Putrid. Embarrassing. Pathetic. They sat on it all offseason. You think they were gonna come out, with Tyler Van Dyke back, and lose Game 1 at home? WITH Texas A&M looming?

No shot. Miami got boat-raced at home last season to MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE. After that happens, you don’t really overlook crappy mid-major teams anymore. That pretty much puts a stop to it.

So no, Brett Gabbert and the Miami of Ohio Redhawks were never gonna win that game last night. Now, could he have maybe saved himself a lot of embarrassment and shame by, I don’t know, scoring one touchdown and not getting benched? Perhaps. Seems like a better plan to me.

But, alas, he did not. Oh well. I still respect the hell out of the talk, just wished Brett here would’ve walked it a little better.

Hurricanes Twitter (X?), by the way, did NOT let him forget.

Written by Zach Dean

Zach grew up in Florida, lives in Florida, and will never leave Florida ... for obvious reasons. He's a reigning fantasy football league champion, knows everything there is to know about NASCAR, and once passed out (briefly!) during a lap around Daytona. He swears they were going 200 mph even though they clearly were not.

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