Johnny Manziel's Girlfriend Hacked, Snapchat AI Is Woke, Florida Nearly Nuked, Busch Light Cans Destroyed, Russian Doppelgangers

PublishedApril 20, 2023 9:59 PM EDT|UpdatedApril 20, 2023 9:59 PM EDT

We got hackers on the loose here in Florida AND it appears they've also taken aim at Johnny Manziel's girlfriend.

No idea if the two are related, but we'll dive in head first and see what we see.

Welcome to a beautiful Thursday Edition of Nightcaps. Spring is in full force, people are mowing all over the country (although we don't stop mowing here in Florida), and I'm just glad to be alive.

It's not often you wake up and think you're about to take on a nuke, but let me tell you, when you do it gets the damn blood FLOWING. Tough to go back to sleep after thinking you were under attack. Mix in a freshly woken-up toddler and your boy is running on absolute fumes today.

If you're reading this in Florida, you know what I'm talking about. If you're not, you're likely very confused and frantically looking up if the US of A is in peril. Not to worry, we're good for now. Just a false alarm!

Florida residents are tired as hell today

As Lloyd Christmas famously said, wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Of course you do!

Now, imagine that bad boy BLARING right next to your ear at 4:45 a.m.

That's exactly how us free folks in Florida woke up this morning when some intern accidentally hit the wrong button and sent this alert to everyone's phones when it was supposed to go to our TVs instead.

Whoops!

That last one is funny. Made me laugh through the pain. And yes, that's my phone up above with some nice Red Sox and weather updates. Can't forget that Timehop streak, either!

Anyway, we're all pretty torn here in Florida today. On one hand, it was obviously a relief to look at our phones at 4:45 and find out we weren't about to get nuked or hit by a tornado. Always a nice way to start the day.

On the other hand, it was 4:45 and those of us with kids know once you wake 'em up at a time like that, it ain't easy to get them back down.

So, yeah, we've been rockin' and rollin' since 5 a.m. down here, baby! We're GRINDING today.

Johnny Manziel's girlfriend Kenzie Werner hacked

Speaking of things that were sent by accident, let's check in with Kenzie Werner -- Johnny Football's model girlfriend.

While the pictures have since been taken down, it doesn't sound like they were great.

According to TMZ (of course), a post that included four photos of Werner’s injured face and body were posted around midnight with the caption: “this is from johnny manziel.”

Reps from Werner quickly reached out and said that wasn't the case and claimed hacking, saying her injuries were actually the the result of an accident at work, where a three-liter bottle of champagne fell on her.

Serious stuff all around, so we're obviously not going to touch it here. As I've said, Nightcaps isn't for the hard-hitting news -- and luckily this one seems dead on arrival regardless. Let's hope it stays that way.

But, it did force me to do a little digging on Johnny Manziel, and I stumbled upon his career stats from his time in the Fan Controlled Football League -- 220 passing yards and two scores, 123 rushing yards and three scores.

Who knew.

By the way, Fan Controlled Football returns next month for another season! Buckle up.

Snapchat AI bot is so woke I can't take it

Boy, does that look awful -- the league, not Kenzie.

Speaking of awful things, anyone else notice Snapchat debuted its new AI bot last night? Yep -- it just magically appeared on everyone's phones around 8 p.m. and BAM, you have a new friend you can talk to about anything and everything.

Just be prepared for some MISERABLE conversations.

Obviously, I had to find out who I was dealing with, so I came out of the gates with Bud Light just to get a barometer.

It didn't go great.

Strike 1! So predictable that Snapchat would create a woke AI bot. Like moths to a flame.

Anyway, once we moved past that I started peppering this cat with questions about my location. I ain't dumb -- I know he knows EXACTLY where I live. They all do.

By the end of it, he pretty much spilled the beans. This guy would be AWFUL in court. And yes, I crossed out my actual town -- I don't need the Clintons finding me.

Caught red-handed. Pretty easy, actually. Woke AND intrusive -- Snapchat made sure to check all the boxes on this one.

Now, to be fair, this robot wasn't all bad. He did say he was a fan of OutKick.com, so that was cool. Although I'm not sure how that's possible if he's pro-Bud Light, but maybe he can just separate some things, which I admire.

He also finally got something right when I grilled him on Jennifer Aniston and Megan Fox. Took a while, but we found common ground.

And isn't that what life is all about?

Busch Light is feeling the Bud Light impact

You know who definitely wouldn't get along with this Snapchat AI robot? This cat who was filmed at a Topeka Walmart doing absolutely inexplicable things to the Nectar of the Gods.

Hurts my heart to see it, but these are the times we're living in right now. And just before summer, too, when Busch Light comes out with its summer flavor. I hear it's gonna be peach this year. Could be wrong.

Anyway, this guy has clearly had enough of woke Anheuser-Busch, but also may have a career in baseball should he make it out of the clink. What a toss! Head on a swivel, Topeka!

Marjorie Taylor Greene sends House hearing for a wild ride

Name me an easier transition than going from boycotting Bud Light to Marjorie Taylor Greene. I'll wait.

MTG was in HER BAG during yesterday's Homeland Security Committee hearing when she came out of the gates with a little Chinese spy sex.

Boom, roasted!

From Mediaite:

The comments regarding a Chinese spy were in reference to Christine Fang, who fundraised for Swalwell in 2012. The government alerted Swalwell in 2015 that they believed Fang to be a spy, at which point he and his campaign immediately cut all contact.

According to Andrew Feinberg of The Independent, “Mr. Swalwell cooperated in an FBI probe which led to the alleged spy, Christine Fang, leaving the US for China, but there is no evidence that he had any sort of sexual relationship with her.”

We're obviously going to have to go to the tape here and see this Christine Fang for ourselves.

What do we think? She giving off spy vibes or nah?

Galaxy Quest is coming back!

I'm going with YES on the spy thing. Ain't fooling me or MTG.

Let's Never Give Up, Never Surrender and kick this thing into hyperdrive. OK, that made little to no sense and I combined two separate catchphrases, but whatever. I've been up since 4:45.

How about this for a Thursday evening shot of coffee?

I mean, LET'S GOOOOOOOO!

Galaxy Quest is so underrated it makes my head hurt. Absolutely iconic space movie from 1999 that nobody ever talks about.

Tim Allen, Allan Rickman AND Sigourney Weaver? Are you kidding me with that trio? Electric.

Now, the kicker here is that Rickman died back in 2016. Several studios -- most recently Amazon -- have been trying to revive Galaxy Quest for years now, and it appears everyone was on board at the time of Rickman's death.

I assume Allen would certainly come back for it -- I mean, he'd sort of have to -- and I have zero clue what Sigourney's up to nowadays. None.

Anyway, if you don't know what Galaxy Quest is you're in for a real treat this weekend. Head on over to the Blockbuster after work tomorrow and get you a copy!

Here's a quick trailer in case you can't wait. And yes, it's from 1999. Who do you think I am?

Poisoned doppelganger, Barkley's balls and checking on Uncle Randy

A couple quickies before we all get back to messing with the woke snapchat bot and watching Johnny Manziel highlights.

Let's start with everyone's favorite analyst, Charles Barkley, and former FTX user, Shaq!

There simply isn't a better duo on TV right now, and I despise the NBA. Hate it. Haven't watched one single second this year and I think about 30 seconds total since 2001. It's the worst.

But Chuck and Shaq are awesome. Even I'm man enough to admit that.

And now let's head to crime-riddled New York City!

From Fox News:

Tsvyk said Nasyrova ate two slices of cheesecake immediately after her arrival before Nasyrova offered her a third slice that prosecutors say was laced with Russian tranquilizer Phenazepan. Tsvyk said she began to feel sick about 20 minutes after eating the cake.

She told investigators the last memory she had before passing out was Nasyrova walking around her room.

The next day, Tsvyk was found unconscious in her bed, and her body was surrounded by scattered pills to appear as if she attempted to kill herself.

She was taken to a hospital to receive treatment, and when she returned home, she noticed her employment authorization card and passport were gone, as were a gold ring and other valuables.

Wild ride here. A pair of Russian SMOKES just duking it out to see who can be the last one standing, and it appears our girl Tsvyk just barely escaped death.

Battle for the ages. That's convicted Russian poisoner Viktoria Nasyrova on the left, and her almost victim, Olga Tsvyk, on the right.

No idea why she decided she wanted her dead, but they're pretty wild over there so I assume it's just the Russian way.

And finally, let's all pour one out for uncle Randy tonight before dinner. Sounds like the Snapchat AI bot got to him and turned him to the dark side.

Sad.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Think Johnny Manziel and the Snapchat AI robot deserve a second chance? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.