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Do y’all remember the “Fly” episode from Breaking Bad?
Of course you do because it’s easily the worst episode of the entire series. For 47 agonizing minutes, we watch Walter and Jesse hunt a fly that made its way into the meth lab. And the entire episode is laced with a faint buzzing sound that is enough to drive any sane person into a life of crime.
This is what I’m dealing with right now. Minus the meth lab.
As I sat down with my coffee to surf the web for Nightcaps material, I noticed a fly kamikaze right into the window. Then a couple of his friends joined him. Before I knew it, dozens of them were buzzing around my head, my dog’s jumping in the air trying to catch them and the entire room has been inundated with these good-for-nothing flying pests.
Where the [unladylike word] are all these flies coming from?!
I got up to investigate, but it didn’t take too long to find the problem: When my husband left for work this morning, he accidentally left the garage door open. And the door to the garage. Leaving me with seemingly hundreds of humming insects stalking my every move.
A few months ago, I joked about getting one of these fly-assassin bug guns. Now I’m wishing I had.
And since I don’t own a salt gun, I have to hunt these bastards the old fashioned way: with a fly swatter.
But I don’t have time for that. Because I’m on deadline, and I’m already running way behind on today’s Nightcaps.
So just know that as you read this, I’m slowly but surely losing my sanity. The buzzing. It’s unfathomable. It’s maddening.
But Nightcaps must go on. And go on it will.
A Baby Named ‘Mookie’
It’s because I’ll never forgive them for peeing in the pool at Chase Field when they won the NL West pennant in 2013. I was a young MLB.com multimedia reporter covering the Diamondbacks at the time. And I’ve despised that Dodgers team ever since.
But I do like Mookie Betts. Maybe it’s because he’s from right up the road from me in Smyrna, Tenn. Or maybe it’s just because he seems like a good dude.
Case in point: This story I’m about to tell you.
A couple weeks ago, Mookie was on deck when a fan named Giuseppe Mancuso chatted him up. Giuseppe fan told the Dodgers slugger if he hit a home run, he was going to name his daughter after him.
“I turned around and told him, ‘No, don’t do that, man,'” Betts said. “‘Your wife wouldn’t like that.'”
Well wouldn’t you know it, Mookie proceeds to blast a 436-foot home run to left-center field — his longest home run as a Dodger.
He gave the fan a fist bump and that was that.
Except it wasn’t. On Aug. 7, Francesca Mookie Mancuso was born.
“I can’t wait to meet Francesca,” Betts said. “That’s going to be my girl.”
Side note, I just discovered Mookie’s actual name is Markus Lynn. Markus-to-Mookie makes sense to me, but the “Lynn” thing really threw me off.
Anyway, while I hate the fact that the poor girl’s going to be a Dodgers fan (barf), this is an epically cool story.
So while we’re all in our warm fuzzy feel-goods, let’s do another one.
Sharing Is Caring For Jordan Spieth
Not only are we sharing names with athletes now, we are also sharing sandwiches.
In between holes at the FedEx St. Jude Championship on Saturday, Jordan Spieth took out a Ziploc baggie.
“Having a little snack?” a fan called out.
Jordan was, in fact, having a little snack. But he’s not stingy.
“Want half?” he asked the fan. “It’s peanut butter and banana.”
Jordan must not have been very hungry. I don’t even like to share my fries with my friends, let alone give some stranger half of my sandwich.
But the real question here is how do you have a peanut butter and banana sandwich without bacon? Elvis is rolling in his grave right now.
And who knows? If Spieth had that extra protein, maybe he would have won instead of tying for sixth.
Update: I just caught two flies rubbing their little bug arms together on the rim of my coffee mug. The good news is there are now two less flies in my house. The bad news is I have to make more coffee.
Ezekiel Elliott Has a New Look
After signing a one-year deal worth up to $6 million, Ezekiel Elliott is the newest member of the New England Patriots.
And to celebrate, he got a haircut.
Morgan Wallen has lost the mullet, and Zeke has lost the fro.
I don’t even know what’s real anymore.
Anyway, Zeke has always been a trendsetter. Remember when he wore a crop top button-up to the 2016 NFL Draft and everyone lost their damn minds?
The crop top has always been his thing — even at Ohio State. But that still didn’t stop the memes from rolling in, comparing him to the cheerleaders from The Longest Yard.
And now that Kyler Murray has started wearing a sports bra, we’re getting the same tired memes from the same accounts.
Let’s find a new joke people, you’re boring me!
It’s not a sports bra, by the way. It’s some sort of GPS vest from Catapult Sports that tracks his performance based on distance, speed, power, load and intensity.
I just can’t help but feel they could have designed it to be a little more like a vest and a little less like what Dylan Mulvaney wore in that Nike ad.
Who Wants A Sweaty Towel?
Apparently, the answer to that question is everyone at Drake’s concert.
Over the weekend, Drake threw a sweat towel into the crowd as he walked backstage. A female fan snagged it as a souvenier.
That is until some dude decided he wanted the towel instead, and they began to wrestle for it. The altercation even caught the attention of Drake, who yelled at the man for being a moron and a weirdo.
“Give it to her. Are you crazy? Are you dumb?”
Drake then reassures the woman: “I’mma send someone up there.”
First of all, I understand being a fan. I do not understand wanting a smelly garment with someone’s bodily fluids on it. It’s gross.
But in my years of working in sports, I have learned there are a lot of gross people out there.
I have seen grown men risk life and limb to reach over stadium railings for sweat towels, gloves, socks, dirty T-shirts, you name it. One time I witnessed a dude ask a player for his flip flop after Training Camp. When the player said no, the fan paid a child $5 to go ask for the same flip flop.
It’s WEIRD, y’all. Stop it.
Of course, this is not the only weird thing that has happened at a Drake concert lately.
Last month, a woman got a deal with Playboy after she threw her size 36G bra at Drake on stage. And things got even more uncomfortable when he SNIFFED it.
Personally, I can’t imagine sacrificing a perfectly good bra for no reason. Those things are expensive.
But here’s 36G lady discussing the incident, in case you missed it.
Keep Your Bra On
If you’re thinking all artists enjoy that sort of nonsense, though, you’re wrong.
Rapper The Game stopped a show over the weekend when a fan tossed her red brassiere on stage.
“I don’t be doing no tricking!” The Game said as he threw the bra back.
He made it clear that while Drake is cool with it, he is not.
So ladies (and Kyler Murray), keep your lingerie to yourself!
Things That Made Me LOL
Whale, hello there.
We have 31 flavors, not 31 genders.
Your weekly reminder that taxation is theft.
RIP to Morgan Wallen’s mullet.
You can never be too sure these days.
Mother Nature wins again.
And finally, an update from my home state of Indiana.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be smashing flies the rest of the afternoon.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on X (or Twitter, if you’re still calling it that) at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.