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We’re almost there, y’all.
NFL teams report to Training Camp this week, which can only mean one thing: Football season is upon us.
In just a month or so, we’ll be kicked back with some beers and drafting our fantasy team whilst we watch a riveting preseason clash between third stringers.
Do we really care who’s playing? No. It’s football. And we’ll take it.
Of course, that also means we’ll have something to distract us from this god-forsaken Barbie movie. Because if I have to see one more hot pink outfit, completely irrelevant brand advertisement or Instagram graphic, I will lose my mind.
Here’s a live look at everyone’s social media feeds right now:
Granted, I haven’t actually seen the movie.
But I was more of a Hot Wheels kid, anyway. (If you know me at all, that will come as zero surprise to you.)
Anyway, with the start of Training Camp also comes an absolutely disrespectful heat wave.
Here in Nashville, we’re topping out at a cool 98 degrees (shoutout to Nick Lachey) most of the week. With 4,000% humidity. And my good friends out in Phoenix are hitting their 25th-straight day of at least 110 degrees.
But it’s a dry heat.
So is my oven, but I’m not trying to hop in there and hang.
Hey — meet Duke. I think we can all relate.
So tell your boss it’s too hot to work and head to the nearest pool. A backyard kiddy pool works, too.
Grab a sixer of something cold and refreshing. It’s Nightcaps time.
Climate Crusaders Out In Full Force
Just like anytime there’s a heat wave (or a cold snap or any natural disaster or when Canadian wildfires envelop our northern cities in hazardous smoke), there’s only one group to blame: the Republicans!
And leave it to Hillary Clinton to lead the charge.
MAGA Republicans have only been around since — what — 2016? Pretty impressive how they were able to alter the climate of a 4.5-billion-year-old planet in less than a decade.
Unless of course Hillary and the rest of her cronies are just full of malarkey. (Shoutout to “The Big Guy” Joe Biden for throwing that word back in the lexicon.)
The Democrats can’t solve the homeless crisis, control the surge of migrants at the border or stop criminals from ripping apart their cities. But give them more money and they will change the temperature of the Earth?
Makes perfect sense.
After all, climate change is to blame for all of our problems. Even heart disease!
The subheading there really is epic. “Climate change could be causing a spike in heart conditions! We don’t actually have any evidence to show correlation. But it could!”
By that same logic, I could also claim excessive marketing for the Barbie movie might have caused a rise in cardiac disease. And you can’t tell me I’m wrong.
Remember last week when Czar John Kerry flew to China in a private jet and said, “Yo, Xi Jinping, want to help us battle climate change?” (I’m paraphrasing, of course.)
And China was all like, “LOL no.”
So then Mr. Heinz Ketchup got back in his gas guzzling private jet and flew home with his tail between his legs — our hard-earned tax dollars spilling out of the plane and scattering into the Pacific Ocean.
Never mind that China is responsible for nearly one-third of the world’s carbon emissions. And all of the Biden green policies would make us even more dependent on the Chinese Communist Party.
When in doubt, blame Republicans.
How To Deal With Climate Protestors
Last week, I saw some climate protestors in Germany might have to get their hands amputated because they glued themselves to an airport runway.
Pretty funny stuff.
For the record, I don’t wish physical pain and suffering upon anyone. But this, boys and girls, is what we call the consequences of our own actions.
Germans have had it with these climate clowns.
Take a look at this German trucker playing chicken with protestors blocking the road.
Move before I move you myself, bro.
Don’t worry: Google Translate tells me police were able to calm the situation.
And, of course, there was this queen who dragged a protestor off the road by the hair. Joe Kinsey already covered it for OutKick, but it’s worth another watch.
Because it’s hilarious.
For legal purposes, I’ll remind you we don’t condone violence.
But we’ll absolutely watch it on YouTube.
As a peaceful alternative, though, consider tying rape alarms to balloons and lofting them to the ceiling during a Just Stop Oil event.
Raven Symoné Says She Is Actually A Psychic
When I was a teenager, That’s So Raven was all the rage on Disney Channel.
The Cosby Show alumna Raven Symoné played a quirky high school student who could see the future. The teen comedy ran four seasons and gave rise to merchandise, soundtrack albums and even video games.
Now, the real-life Raven is claiming she, too, has psychic abilities.
The now-37-year-old has a podcast called The Best Podcast Ever with Raven and Miranda (groan), and she hosts it with her wife Miranda Maday.
This has inspired me to start my own podcast called, Steaming Hot Pile of Garbage with Amber. Please email me if you would like to audition to co-host.
Anyway, in the latest episode, Raven boldly claims, “I believe in psychics as well, puns f-cking intended.”
I think you’re confused about what a pun is, sis, but go on.
“Humans have the ability in their brain to tap into energy fields that allow for truth to connect when you know how to translate it correctly,” she explained.
“I can walk into a room and read the room. People might not think that’s psychic, but what that is, is reading energy. And energy is in the psychic plane, because it’s not on a physical, material plane.”
So social awareness is the same as psychic ability, apparently.
“There’ll be times when I’m walking and I’ll trip over nothing, but I’ll feel in my body that I’ve been running,” Symoné shared.
And clumsiness is also a psychic power. Got it.
“Humans, in order to keep us wrangled appropriately, they try to take away our psychic ability,” Symoné added. “I think it’s actually who we are as human beings.”
That’s it! That’s how the elite are controlling us. They’ve taken away our clairvoyance!
Keke Palmer was the guest on this particular podcast episode. Raven “Miss Cleo” Symoné should have warned her about that Usher concert.
How about that throwback, though?
Doja Cat Hates Her Fans
So, admittedly, I am not the pop culture aficionado of OutKick.
I only learned who Doja Cat was when I accidentally left my Spotify logged in on my 25-year-old niece’s phone.
But apparently, the American rapper, singer and songwriter (thank you, Wikipedia) is at war with her fans online.
Doja (Can I call her Doja?) has lost more than 230,000 followers after making derogatory comments about her followers — dubbed “Kittenz” — on Instagram Threads.
We have ourselves our first Threads controversy!
“My fans don’t get to name themselves sh-t,” she wrote.
“If you call yourself a ‘kitten’ or f-cking ‘kittenz’ that means you need to get off your phone and get a job and help your parents with the house.”
A fan commented, “I wanna hear you say (I do love you guys).”
“I don’t though cuz I don’t even know y’all,” Doja Cat responded.
So one more fan had the nerve to call her out: “and we don’t know you. But we have supported you through thick and thin.”
“Nobody forced you,” Doja Cat responded. “idk why you’re talking to me like you’re my mother b-tch you sound like a crazy person.”
Just some seriously unhinged behavior from a person who relies on her fans to fun a multi-million-dollar lifestyle.
I was going to take a jab, but honestly, this tweet sums it up perfectly.
Antonio Brown Is Trolling Again
Yes, we could copy and paste that sentence every week.
But would we really be a sports website without filling you in on the every move of a star wide receiver fallen from grace?
In short, yes. But we’re going to anyway!
AB posted a photo with Yung Miami (that’s another female rapper, for those of you still Googling Doja Cat) on Instagram Sunday.
“Told Caresha I’m in the city. She don’t need diddy,” he captioned it.
The post was a reference to her on-again-off-again boyfriend Diddy. Although I am not sure what monicker he currently uses.
Diddy? P.Diddy? Puff Daddy? Sean “Puffy” Combs? Puff The Magic Diddy?
So this isn’t unusual behavior for Antonio Brown.
When the Tom Brady / Gisele divorce rumors started swirling, AB was all over it.
And just last week, he offered his services to some — um — respectable young lady named “Lena the Plug.”
Anyway, there you go, AB. The attention you asked for. We’ll see ya next time.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.