Dallas Zoo On Lockdown Due To Escaped Clouded Leopard But No Biggie, It’s ‘Non-Dangerous’

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Ever been walking around your neighborhood and one of those adorable clouded leopards comes up to you and you can’t help but just give it a little pet-pet because it’s just so darn cute and cuddly?

No? Me neither.

Don’t tell that to the Dallas Zoo, though, which is currently under a Code Blue because a non-dangerous clouded leopard is on the loose. Yes, non-dangerous.

Dallas Zoo under Code Blue because of a fugitive leopard

Hey, Dallas Zoo … speak for yourselves. I see the word leopard and “non-dangerous” is certainly not the term that comes to mind.

Honestly, I have ZERO idea what a leopard even looks like if we’re being honest. Sure, I’ll look it up here in a second and probably recognize it, but I truly don’t know what one looks like right this second.

Frankly, all the animals in the “cat” family blend together for me, and they all scare the piss out of me – right down to a house cat.

Clouded Leopard shuts down Dallas Zoo.
“Non-dangerous” my butt. He’s your cuddly clouded leopard, folks. (Photo by Andrew Lichtenstein/Corbis via Getty Images)

Jaguars, panthers, cheetahs, lions, leopards, Milkdud – the 13-year-old house cat down the street – all terrify me. Don’t mess with them, don’t even stare at ’em.

So, no, I don’t consider a fugitive clouded leopard a non-dangerous animal, Dallas Zoo. Get your sh*t together, STAT.

Oh, good. Thank GOD your focus is on locating the animal. Glad we cleared that up.

Anyway, Twitter – what’s left of it, anyways – had jokes and I picked out some of the best ones to pass the time and keep my mind off the situation.

You’re welcome.

PS: Shut up, Alyssa. I think we’re all good on not being educated on clouded leopards today. Thanks, though.

Written by Zach Dean

Zach grew up in Florida, lives in Florida, and will never leave Florida ... for obvious reasons. He's a reigning fantasy football league champion, knows everything there is to know about NASCAR, and once passed out (briefly!) during a lap around Daytona. He swears they were going 200 mph even though they clearly were not.

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