Troy Aikman's Vacation With New Girlfriend Off To Rocky Start, Taylor Lorenz Concerned For Woke Media & Karen Goes Nuts At Starbucks
Congrats, all -- you've made it past hump day and you're one step closer to the weekend. Not sure that hits the same in January as it does in, say, October, but whatever. A Saturday's a Saturday, no matter what the hell is going on.
And by the way, I'm pretty sure this upcoming one is the first without any football since sometime last August. Let me say that again ...
Last August! Yes, college football ended after the first Saturday of December, but then we had Army-Navy. Then we had bowl season. Then the NFL started playing on Saturday for the past five weeks.
But now? Nothing. Crickets. I'll be at the Rolex 24 down here in Daytona, so I'll be just fine. Ever been? It's electric. Forget the racing. I'm talking about everything else -- the scenery (yep, that scenery), the drinking, the cars -- it's awesome.
Anyway, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps -- the one where we talk about Troy Aikman's hot new girlfriend, Haley Clark, and go from there. Seems like a decent way to spend a Thursday, no?
I reckon we'll also check the mail today, too, because by golly did I touch a nerve with the Tony Romo takedown earlier this week. The mailbox hasn't been this full since we talked about the Lindsay Lohan stripper movie last year. Remember that? What a time to be alive.
What else? We have a Karen going NUTS on a couple Starbucks Baristas, Taylor Lorenz is worried about the state of woke journalism because the LA Times is a ghost town and I also discovered a new NFL WAG that deserves our full attention.
Bonus: she's a Miami Dolphin! Win-win.
OK, grab a drink and a No. 2 pencil and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!
Troy Aikman and Haley Clark vacationed a week later this year because Troy is a dreamer
Not gonna make anyone wait for the good stuff today -- I have an eye appt. this afternoon I can't miss and then a Rolex 24 welcome dinner with an open bar later tonight. Definitely can't miss that one.
Remember Troy Aikman and Haley? These two rocked the world last summer when they were spotted half-naked in Italy because, well, we all thought big Troy was married. So, imagine our surprise when we saw THIS little ditty from across the pond:
Jarring.
Turned out, Troy Aikman was at the tail-end of a split/divorce, and Haley here accidentally let the cat outta the bag. Anything for Instagram, am I right?
Anyway, these two are still together as far as we know, which means we're nearing #vacationszn once again with Troy's ESPN MNF duties wrapped up for the season.
For some reason, he thought it was smart to postpone his trip with his hot young girlfriend because he thought the ... Dallas Cowboys ... would be playing this weekend.
Seriously.
I reckon we'll check the mail
Troy Aikman should've known better. I mean, come on, dude. You're one of the best in the game at what you do. You knew the Cowboys weren't making it to the NFC title game. No shot.
If I was Troy I would've chartered a plane from Baltimore to the Amalfi Coast before the game ended last week and never looked back. You don't keep Haley Clark waiting.
OK, mail time!
First, the Romo reaction. It's gonna be rapid-fire because I got over a dozen responses, so buckle up. We'll start with those who agree with me, because those are obviously more fun:
From John:
It sounds like he’s always grunting as if he’s tryin’ really hard to get that second testicle to drop.
From Joe Joe:
Tony is about as useless as RG-III.
From Benz:
Tony Romo is so bad he talks like he's high on drugs.
And, from T:
As soon as he speaks, I mute the game.
We also had those who blame Jim Nantz, not Tony Romo, for Tony Romo being awful:
From Tom:
The thing I have noticed the most is about Jim Nantz. Through the years I have listened to Nantz call NFL games in his smooth Masters golf voice. But now, he is screaming when there is an exciting play on the field.
His now screaming is so uncharacteristic and comes off as a terrible phony attempt.
And, from Stephen:
I think he’s been infected by Jim Nantz with the idea that it’s their voices that provide the game excitement. Nantz, Romo and Collinsworth overstate EVERYTHING, overusing superlatives and constantly raised voices, sounding more like cheerleaders than experts and broadcasters. It’s exhausting listening to them.
Finally, a couple of you thought I was a dummy for my analysis of the Romo call on that late Josh Allen throw:
From Tom No. 2:
I like your stuff and agree on Romo - but you missed it on the throw. Jones pushed the O-lineman into Allen. He couldn’t step into the throw.
And, from Ben:
You were right on target about Romo w/ the immediate replay angles televised but they came back w/ a new angle that looked like Chris Jones did actually cause some pressure/contact to Josh Allen’s lower body causing a short inaccurate throw.
Taylor Lorenz is confused as to why all the woke journalism is dying
I still stand by my original analysis on that one, which is Tony Romo is the biggest Josh Allen apologist in the world and him immediately screaming into the mic that it's not a misthrow! is just so on brand for him nowadays.
I also still stand by the fact that he didn't get hit. He threw it an hour before Jones pushes the lineman into him. And by the way, I like Josh Allen! As a Dolphins fan, he scares the bejesus out of me way more than Tom Brady ever did. Allen is a Dolphins killer. Brady wilted in Miami.
But having to sit through a Josh Allen or Patrick Mahomes game with Tony Romo on the call is pure hell. It's just awful.
We have more non-Romo emails that I'll get to tomorrow, including a Buffalo Wild Wings burger update! How's that for a tease?
In the meantime, here's insufferable Taylor Lorenz reacting to the LA Times getting decimated yesterday:
"I don't think people understand how bad the world would be without journalists."
Also, Taylor Lorenz last summer:
"The majority of journalists losing their jobs in situations like this are working journalists that are doing these investigations of police brutality, or investigating corporations ... or really thoughtful, brilliant cultural commentary."
Also, the LA Times:
Karen at Starbucks, a pastor's calling & Nick Mangold has had enough of Mike Florio
Gonna miss that hard-hitting stuff from the LA Times. How will we survive? Thoughts and prayers to society!
And by the way, I'm not rooting for layoffs. Hate them. I don't want anyone losing their job, especially in Joe's crappy economy (and don't you dare point to the GDP growth news from today and say 'Gotcha! Don't be fooled. Don't be sheep).
I assume at some point in my life I'll be laid off. I get it. That's why I'm always nice to the managers at my local Publix.
But if you're surprised that mainstream media is currently getting gutted, you haven't been paying attention. It was bad before COVID during the Trump era, but after the p(l)andemic hit it became a complete joke. They don't even try to hide it anymore. Haven't for a while. This is what happens.
Speaking of people who hate Trump and live in California ...
What a clash of the titans! Karens vs. Starbucks employees. Absolute battle right there. You know where this stuff doesn't happen?
Dunks.
Dunkin Donuts is for the blue-collar folks. The ones who strap on their boots, throw on a hard-hat, slug a couple cups of Maxwell in the morning and need a quick, simple cup of coffee on the way to work. It's beautiful. No yelling, no nonsense, no "secret menu." Just pretty average, somewhat watered down, cheap coffee.
It's perfect.
Next!
What a flex! This dude not only came on here and explained how this entire thing was actually a scam, but did so in the living room of his beautifully remodeled home. Insane.
"The charges are because Caitlan and I pocketed $1.3 million dollars, and I just want to come out and say ... those charges are true.
"Half-a-million went to a home remodel that the Lord told us to do."
Thoughts and prayers! Work those miracles, big Guy! These people need your help.
Finally, let's check in on the Mike Florio-Colin Kaepernick PR machine today!
Let's all welcome Dolphins TE Durham Smythe's girlfriend to class!
When in doubt, you can ALWAYS count on Mike Florio to answer the questions that literally nobody ever asks. Bet the editors of the now-defunct LA Times would've loved to have that column, though.
How great is Nick Mangold, too? Jets legend. For all you youngins who think Jason Kelce is this cool dude, Nick Mangold was Jason Kelce waaaaaaaaay before Jason Kelce was mainstream. Plus, his last name wasn't Kelce, so he wasn't a douche.
Speaking of NFL players who aren't insufferable, here's Dolphins TE Durham Smythe doing what Troy Aikman wishes he did with Haley Clark.
Let's have a night.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Is Troy Aikman better than Tony Romo at everything in life? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.