Sydney Sweeney's New Lingerie Company Is Going To Cripple The Brains Of Loser LIBS

It's official — the Great Lingerie War of 2026 is upon us thanks to Sydney Sweeney. 

The 28-year-old actress and pop culture icon, who saved American Eagle last summer, officially announced her new lingerie line, SYRN, in a dramatic Tuesday morning Instagram post that should go straight into the Smithsonian. 

"(T)he secret is finally out… say hello to @syrn 🤍 this is lingerie you wear for YOU, no explanation, no apology," Sweeney penned on IG.

"SYRN is coming for you on 1.28 sign up now for early access at SYRN.com there’s soo much more I can’t wait to show you," she added. 

As we told you Monday after video surfaced of Sweeney draping bras over the HOLLYWOOD sign, Sweeney wasn't just going to be a face of this new lingerie line. She's going to be the brains. The force. The icon. She'll be the Victoria to the Secret. 

The siren for the SYRN. 

I can see you guys sitting in your work trucks fist pumping at the thought of Sweeney rounding up the best lingerie model talent in the world. I know just how long some of you Millennials have had to deal with the Sports Illustrated wokes. I know the nonsense you've had to deal with out of Victoria's Secret. 

You never know if there's a dude with a dong modeling the lingerie. I cannot imagine entering the workforce like many of you did as these wokes were pumping woke lingerie into your brains. 

Today is a game-changer. 

Jeff Bezos is believed to be an investor. Michael Dell from…DELL…is also supposedly an investor. Jeff's wife, Lauren Sanchez, is said to be all-in on this project. There's rumored to be a BILLION dollars being invested in a holding company that will back SYRN. 

Guys, go to the SYRN Instagram. It's going to remind you of life before the Alphabet Mafia stole pop culture from us. It's going to take you back to the America you loved. Sweeney looking into a mirror while in her underwear is going to blow your mind. 

"(O)ur four SYRNs: Seductress, Romantic, Playful and Comfy," SYRN promised Tuesday morning on Instagram while a highlight reel of Sweeney ripping off her shorts plays in the background. 

As Sweeney made the major lingerie announcement, Victoria's Secret stock tanked nearly four dollars a share before rising out of its hole to be down 2 percent on the day. 

This is the same company that, in 2024, had biological male Alex Consani walk in the Victoria's Secret show while wearing the company's angel wings. He was wearing a bra and women's underwear. 

Can SYRN destroy Victoria's Secret?

That's up to the consumer. A year ago, Victoria's Secret literally didn't have enough Valentine's Day lingerie to meet demand and had to tell women, sorry, but we're all out. New management has now been in place for a full year. The runway show is back. Trump is actually investing in Victoria's Secret right now. 

But does the brand still hold enough value to women who saw the brand struggle from 2018-2024? Based on Google Trends, it's not even a competition when you put Sweeney against the lingerie company. 

When she wants to move the needle, it's simple. That's not the case for VS. The company has to purchase marketing campaigns. Sweeney just hits publish on an Instagram post. 

The real winner here: Americans who have been begging for the wokes to get stuffed into a locker. 

Sweeney is here to save the day.