Nancy Mace Is The World's Hottest Mechanic, Nikki Glaser Pops Her Top And Lets 'Em Breathe & Angel Needs God!

Final Hump Day of May? Buddy, let's make it COUNT. 

Leave it all out on the field. Give everything you GOT. Hard hats at the ready, game-faces on, and hearts on our sleeves as we barrel toward June bursting with pride. 

See what I did there? Come on! That's a good one. Although, is Pride month still a thing? Feel like that was about 900 executive orders ago? Guess we'll find out soon enough!

Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we pop buttons with Nikki Glaser and go from there. 

What else? I've got Gisele hitting the beach after giving birth to the jiu-jitsu kid, Nancy Mace hitting the road, Angel Reese being intolerable, and we're gonna open up the inbox for one student who deserves a special seat in this class for as long as he wants. 

Think of it as a key to the city. I've never really understood what the hell that means, but I'm using it here anyway. Whatever. My class, my rules!

OK, grab you a burger for National Hamburger Day – you know where this is going, right? – and settle in for the final Hump Day class of May!

A religious start to class

So, I've had a long-running bit around here about Buffalo Wild Wings, which I contend has the best burger in America. 

Unconventional, I know, but I've also been proven right several times. Readers have chimed in. At one point, some YouTube foodie even named it the second-best burger he'd ever had, behind Longhorn Steakhouse. 

To be fair, I've also heard the Longhorn burger is very good. Never had it myself because when I go to Longhorn Steakhouse once every seven years, I don't get a burger. But, I can see it. 

Anyway, a couple other nominations that I've received include the Chilis smash burger, which I've had (it's decent) and the B-Dubs burger, but the Bacon Smashed Hatch Chile one. 

Has anyone been to B-Dubs lately? I assume people only go during football season for obvious reasons, but fire away! Need to make sure it still holds up. 

OK, let's get to the good stuff – like insufferable Angel Reese tweeting about God's plan after another unsuccessful attempt at inciting a race riot. 

Sad. 

Angel needs God & Jesus self-imports!

I mean, she's just the worst. Angel Reese has now tried twice to incite some sort of race war against Caitlin Clark and her fans, and both times she's made herself look like an even bigger jackass than we already knew she was. 

For those who missed it, the WNBA just wrapped up another virtue-signaling investigation (shocking for the WNBA, right?) into Indiana Fever fans spewing alleged NASTY things at Reese during her game against Caitlin Clark earlier this month. 

Now, there is/was no video. No evidence. No smoking gun. In the most technologically advanced time period of our lives, where people refuse to ever put their phones down, nobody had a single shred of evidence of this happening. 

I believe I pointed out at the time, in this very class, that instead of letting the world know they were "launching an investigation," the WNBA could just ban the person(s) who said nasty things. But, they didn't, and they can't, because he or she doesn't exist.

This, by the way, wasn't the first time Angel has yanked the ‘ol race-card from her back pocket. She’s got the bad boy at the ready at ALL times. Hell, if she'd practice a layup with the same tenacity that she practices bullshit racism allegations, she'd be a first ball Hall of Famer already. 

Don't forget, Reese previously accused Clark's fans of racism. Last June, for those who weren't paying attention (and that's most of you), she claimed on social media that a Caitlin Clark fan "harassed" her black teammates while arriving at their team hotel. 

It's been a year, and we still have no evidence of that happening. 

But remember, this is a page straight out of the Left's handbook. It's Democrat 101 stuff. "When in doubt, scream RACISM." It's their get-out-of-jail-free card. 

Again, they're the worst. All of them. Every single Lib is just intolerable. Sounds like they may soon meet their maker, too!

Gisele, Nikki & happy anniversary!

Come on … that was a GOOD headline. I also thought about "Jesus avoids ICE." That's funny. Get it? Of course you do. It's why I win awards. 

Anyway, I'm not sure why the odds of our Lord & Savior returning have risen, but I'd be getting all my Ps & Qs in order over the next few weeks while you have some time during the summer lull. Better safe than sorry. 

Not sure Jesus would love this next rapid-fire portion of class, but life is all about risks. Let's get going. 

First up? Look who's back pumping out Instagram thirst after having another kid with the jiu-jitsu trainer she banged after divorcing Tom Brady?!

Yes! Gisele is back, baby! Been a while since we got some solid #content from the OG, but she appears locked and loaded for a big summer run. 

Let's get AFTER it over these next few months, Gisele. Time is ticking, haven't you heard?!

Next? Someone who definitely needs Jesus? Nikki Glaser. That Netflix special from last summer certainly docked her a few thousand heaven points. I'm sure of it. 

Nothing like a couple loose top buttons to get us all going on this final Hump Day of May. Thanks for stopping by, Nikki! Always a pleasure. 

Finally, let's end the day with a very special happy anniversary to Mets legend, Terry Collins. Nine years! Time flies:

Take us home, Randy!

Nearly a decade later, that is still my all-time favorite hot mic moment. Nothing even comes close. What does "our ass is in the jackpot" even mean? Nine years later, I don't think anyone knows. 

But buddy, if you don't think I break out that line at least once a month, you're NUTS. Again, it's an all-timer. Thank you, Terry. 

Finally, on the way out … we're going to end class a little differently today. No hot girls. You got those a minute ago. 

Instead, we're going to welcome Randy from PA, to class for the first time. Randall emailed me yesterday, and it's not often I get an email that sticks with me for the rest of the day. 

This one grabbed me by the plumbs and still hasn't let go. No, I ain't editing it down. This deserves all the space, and not just because it's very complimentary of me. 

OK, a little bit because of that. But still!

Hi Mr. Dean!

I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading your work, and I wanted to thank you for the smiles and laughs that you provide through your writing.

Since July 2018, I've had 15 heart attacks, 3 full cardiac arrests, 17 heart caths, open heart surgery, etc … 

Unfortunately, the doctors haven't released me to return to work yet following all of that.  I also needed to have neck surgery in October to avoid guaranteed paralysis.  That fusion became infected and the cultures showed "Staph epidermis" from someone's dirty hands on my vertebrae and hardware.  That was nice of 'em.  Not. I'm currently facing a lower back surgery to again avoid paralysis. 

Through the frustrations of it all, your writings always help make me smile.

At any rate, until the doctors release me to return to work, or until I'm approved disability if my body won't allow me to work anymore, most days feel like I'm in a Groundhog Day sequel.  I'm often sad about not being able to work and with no cash coming in, but I always enjoy reading your articles / column on Outkick, and I always look forward to reading your work. 

I obviously don't know what they're paying you, but I will say it isn't enough. 

- - - 

Quick note … me again. I agree with that, Randy! Smartest thing anyone has ever said around here. For that, you all earn a quick Nancy Mace pit stop!

Vroom vroom, Nance! 

OK, carry on:

So, I just wanted to take a few minutes, write to you, and let you know how much I appreciate your writings and your work.  My fiancée, Heather, also enjoys reading your work as well.

In addition to being a paramedic for 33 years (volunteer as well as professionally), I was also a cop for 14 years.  Naturally, I was too dumb to pick one or the other, so I did them simultaneously and clearly, they took a massive toll on my body.  

Turns out fast food and donuts aren't great for ya.  Who knew?!  Someone should've been warning us about those dangers decades ago. LMAO.

Have you ever considered writing a book about whatever?  No matter the topic, I have no doubt that your humor would absolutely take it to the top of the best-seller lists.

Have a great rest of your day, stay safe and watch your 6 in this insane world that we're currently livin' in (damn liberals), and thank you again for all the smiles and laughs.

I don't know Randy, obviously. First I've ever heard from him. I receive a ton of emails every single day. Some are nice. Others are mean. Frankly, unless they're from one of you guys in this class (or MMPS, of course), I usually ignore them. 

This one will stick with me for a while. 

People are going through a lot of shit out there. I am. You are. Everyone is. When OutKick came to me two years ago and wanted me to try and make something called "Nightcaps" work, I was skeptical. Nobody gives a shit what I think, or what I have to say. I figured this class would end quicker than Joey. 

(if you get that reference, you get a gold damn star today!)

But we're still here, and it's the best part of my day. If even one person on this planet – like Randy – looks forward to this silly class, then it's all worth it for me. 

So, welcome to class, Randall. You've got a front row seat here for as long as we're in session. 

I hope that's a long time. 

Now, let's get to humping. I've got a book to work on!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You ready to run through a brick wall for Randy? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.