Jennifer Aniston Uncorks Heat In A Bodysuit & Stockings, Danica Shows Libs How To Be Hot & Beli-Checked Out!

Over the hump and safely into a big Thursday filled with Yankees-free postseason baseball, college football, and the NFL. 

When I say the weekends during the fall unofficially start on Thursday nights, this is what I mean. We've made it. Congrats to all on your hard-earned 4-day work week. Except anyone in the federal government, of course. Hope y'all are having a nice vacation!

Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where Jennifer Aniston fires up an October fastball like she's Nolan Ryan. 

What else? I've got the lunatic Dem out in California putting my brain in a blender, at-home robots are HERE, Danica works in a lift with Lara Trump, and things are going WELL in Chapel Hill. 

And by that, I mean we've got the always-promising ‘We’re sticking with our coach' statement in October from the higher-ups, and they couldn't have put LESS effort into it if they tried. What a moment. 

Grab you a cupcake for National Pro-Life Cupcake Day – yep, that's a real thing – and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!

I simply can't get enough of this Katie Porter creature 

No clue what a Pro-Life cupcake is, but I'd certainly partake. Love a good cupcake, but, like muffins, only the tops are edible. The ass of the cupcake is just that – ass. Nobody wants the stump. 

Reminds me of a great Seinfeld episode that I'm sure everybody here has seen a thousand times, but I'm going to show it anyway because what else are you doing right now?

It really was/is such a great idea. Do any stores like that exist today? I would assume so, right? Nobody tell RFK!

Anyway, all that to say … I'm sure the fat Lib out in California who allegedly scalded her ex-husband's head with mashed potatoes and who is currently running for governor would LOVE a good muffin top right about now. 

Lord knows she could use it after the last 24 hours:

Let's check in with some actual leaders

"When she gets angry, she will claw and scratch her arms and then say to me ‘Look what you made me do!’"

Oh my. I cannot get enough of this chick. I'm all in. I don't know how it took so long for me to find her, but I'm WIDE awake now. 

What a moment. What a transition from Katie in the clip where she absolutely berates her staffer. Seamless stuff. 

She goes right from talking EV cars and charging Chevy Volts, to telling that poor girl to ‘GET OUT OF MY F--KING SHOT!’ without so much as a hesitation. Just rolls right off her tongue, almost like she'd done it before. 

And here's the best part: the weirdos out in California actually consider her a frontrunner! Could you imagine if this lunatic replaced Gavin Newsom? She makes him look normal. Do you understand how hard that is to do? 

I can't wait for her to stumble into some real power. Imagine her and Trump in the same room together? Put that presser on Pay-Per-View and you'd make a billion dollars. Easy. 

Then again, you could also put Lara Trump & Danica Patrick in a room together banging out some pull-ups, and I'd watch that, too:

Chapel Bill, the robots are here & Jen's October heater 

YES!

While all the insufferable Libs sit at home during this Government Shutdown – one week and counting! – and get fat and smelly, Danica Patrick and Lara Trump decided to hit the gym this week and take on the Pete & Bobby Challenge. 

Choose your fighter(s), America. Hot chicks cranking out push-ups, or Nancy Pelosi smelling like moth balls and trading some obscure stock you've never heard of for what will amount to $1 million profit by Q2 of next year. 

I choose Danica & Lara Trump! So do you, although Nancy's portfolio is tempting. 

OK, let's rapid-fire this unofficial weekend class into a big night of postseason baseball, college football (ECU-Tulane on ESPN!) and Thursday Night Football. 

First up? Speaking of college football, let's head on over to Chapel Hill and get a quick pulse-check of the Tar Heels' season thus far:

First off – those "statements" are truly the biggest piles of BS I've ever seen, and I've seen a TON of statements like that over my lifetime being a Dolphins and Gators fan. Hell, I get one a year at this point. 

Amazing. I can't believe it sounds like Bill and UNC are already talking exit strategies. What an unbelievable disaster. 

Some folks are comparing it to the Urban Meyer era with Jacksonville. I don't think it comes close. This is way worse. Urban, for as great as he was, didn't have near the legacy Bill does/did. He also wasn't a billion years old. That's the craziest part here. 

Bill Belichick is 73! And he's … voluntarily … putting himself through this? For WHAT? What's the goal here? It's sad. But also … kinda funny, in a "laugh through the pain" kind of way. 

Next? Quick, what comes first? Bill ousted at UNC, or one of these at-home robot butlers turns on its owner and murders someone?

Yeah, sure, that looks cool and all – but parents here know that a complete load of crap. This thing is cleaning a completely clean room! Who lives in this house? Two billionaires in their 60s with no kids or grandkids? I could clean that room myself. 

Let's see this fraud tackle my house at 7 p.m. every night after my two kids have dropped a bomb on it for 12 straight hours, and THEN, maybe, I'll look into getting one. This is peanuts compared to that. 

OK, that's it for today. Good unofficial start to the weekend. Take us into it, Jennifer Aniston!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Ever had a plate of scalding hot mashed potatoes thrown at you? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.