A Daring Disney Cruise Rescue, Red Panda Goes Down, And Kathy Griffin Is Here To Haunt Your Dreams

All the news you need to know from the week that was.

It’s Saturday, which means it’s time to catch up on all the news you missed this week, courtesy of The Punch-Up.

I hope you had a great Fourth of July, but even while we were all eating hot dogs and watching Joey Chestnut eat hot dogs (it’s a very hot dog-centric holiday) the news never slowed down.

We had a daring rescue on a Disney Cruise, Red Panda took a tumble, and Kathy Griffin is here to haunt your dreams if she wasn’t already.

So, let’s dig right on in!

The Coast Guard reportedly intercepted a boat with $20 million worth of marijuana and cocaine this week. However, aside from that, Hunter Biden says he had a great fishing trip.

A recent survey has found that only 36% of Democrats are proud to be Americans. Meanwhile, another poll found that only 36% of Republicans are proud that Democrats are Americans too. 

Performer Red Panda broke her wrist after falling off her unicycle while performing at halftime of a WNBA game. It’s believed the incident may have been caused by some WNBA players who jammed a stick in her spokes because they didn’t like how much attention she was getting.

Police in North Carolina were forced to chase down a pig that halted traffic on the highway. After getting a talking to, Rosie O’Donnell agreed to stick to the sidewalks.

Joey Chestnut won his 17th Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest title on July 4. Coincidentally, 17 is also the number of hours he’ll spend in his bathroom on July 5. 

The President of El Salvador responded to Kilmar Abrego Garcia’s claims that he was tortured while in prison with a video of Garcia playing soccer, gardening, and fishing. A video that proves Garcia was tortured … with boredom.

Comedian Dana Carvey said that he knew former President Joe Biden was "compromised mentally" when he had to play him on Saturday Night Live. Meanwhile, Carvey said he knew SNL was "comedically compromised" the second he read the scripts for that week's sketches.

Got all of that?

Good. See you back here next week.

Written by
Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.