Danica Patrick's Mediterranean Bikini Has Sailors Howling, SEC Girls Love America & Lia Anthony Back At Fenway

Over the hump and safely into an NFL Thursday. That's right! Our first NFL Thursday of the season. Sure, it's preseason, but this is where we work out the kinks. You grind in August so you can enjoy September. 

That's what we're doing today. Grinding our TAILS off so we can push through the final few weeks of summer. After that, it's all ham & eggs. We get football tonight. We get football tomorrow. After that? We get football Saturday AND Sunday. 

Are we back or what? You know what else is back? Rush Week! Watch out, Libs. You're in trouble. 

Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where Danica Patrick gets wild in Ibiza! Do you know where Ibiza is? Me neither. But we're going there today!

What else? I've got the Red Sox locking up Lia Anthony for the next decade, the #RushGirls returning to SEC campuses across the East Coast(ish), and I ran into a new Netflix show last night that I thought was porn. Just straight-up porn. Might as well have been Cinemax after dark. 

If you know, you know. If you don't, you didn't grow up in the early 2000s. 

Grab you an IPA for National IPA Day – dump it out for a Busch Light – and then settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!

Where do we land on ‘The Office’ spinoff?

I don't have anything against IPAs, but I live in Florida. I'm not the target audience for IPAs. Feel like they're only good when it's cold out. When it's a billion degrees outside, they're just not enjoyable. 

Don't know if you've heard, but it's a billion degrees out 350 days out of the year down here. IPAs ain't exactly flying off the shelves, unless you're in Lib Orlando. 

Anyway, they'd probably work great in Toledo – the site of next month's debut of "The Paper," a spin-off of "The Office."

The trailer came out this afternoon, and I've gotta say … it left a lot of meat on the bone. And by that, I mean I didn't laugh once during the entire 90-second clip. 

Not great!

Any suburban wives out there watching this Netflix porn?

Thoughts? First impressions? 

Maybe I'm wrong. I mean, I'm not. But, maybe I am. I just didn't really laugh. At all. Did you? Frankly, the only semi-funny part was the Oscar stuff at the end. Like me, it lasted six seconds and then it was over. 

See? That's funny! This wasn't. 

I want this show to do well, because I loved "The Office." I still watch it most nights on my cable TV. It's on either Comedy Central, E!, Freeform or TBS every single night. You can't scroll without running into it. 

And that's why I want this to work, because it's possible. They have the blueprint. I'm just worried they don't have the right players. We'll see. 

The good news? It debuts on Sept. 4. Luckily, there's NOTHING else going on that day. 

Oh, wait! That's the NFL opener between the Cowboys and Eagles. Nice work, NBC!

Anyway, from one show to the next (Hookstead would LOVE this class), let's dive into this new Netflix show about a bunch of lesbian housewives who are conservative by day, and bang each other like bunnies at night:

Danica, Rush Week & Lia, oh my!

So, the First Lady asked me to find her a new show last night while she was making dinner. It was an odd request, mainly because she likes dumb shows and I like good ones. 

Anyway, I found this one on top of Netflix, and, at first glance, I thought it was perfect for her. Corny, dramatic, about southern women, probably some feel-good stuff in there, etc. …

And then I watched the trailer:

My jaw dropped. This is essentially Friday Night Lights, but with a ton of naked lesbian sex. And by that, I mean a TON. Stuff that I literally can't put on OutKick. 

Do you know how bad something has to be for me NOT to be able to use it on OutKick?

It's just a bunch of southern cougars who are God-fearin' during the day, and bang other women at night. Someone gets murdered in the woods. All the cougars are now on edge. They continue banging each other. Then things get really nasty, as these situations tend to do. 

That's it. That's the show. Has ANYONE watched this yet? I think I'm gonna dive in this weekend for obvious reasons. It's called research, HR Department. Piss off! 

OK, let's rapid-fire this cinema-heavy class into a big Thursday night. First up? MLB pennant races are heating up, and look who was back at Fenway last night as the Sox continue to chase down the BJs for first in the AL East:

What a time to be a Red Sox fan! I've bitched about ‘em all season, but they’re right in the thick of it (last night's loss aside) as we enter the stretch run. 

And now they've signed Roman Anthony (and Lia) to an eight-year contract extension? My God. Just imagine Lia come October. The #content coming out of Fenway will melt brains. I can't wait. 

Speaking of melting minds, let's welcome back one of my favorite weeks of the year every single year – Rush Week!

The Rush Girls are BACK on SEC campuses across the nation, and that means we're in for a special few weeks. Most importantly, they seem ready to piss off some insufferable Harvard Lib who hates Trump, hates America, and hates hot women!

Nothing says football is almost here quite like #Rushtok getting back in full swing. And this year, our girls ain't hiding Old Glory! Is America back? We might be back. God, I love this country, I love the SEC, and I love college football. 

PS: How about Cocky getting in on the action? What a time to be alive. 

OK, that's it for today. Good work all around. Danica Patrick is in the Mediterranean Sea enjoying the final few weeks of summer. Let's end class with her, shall we?

See you tomorrow. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You in on Hunting Wives? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.