CBS Reporter Jenny Dell Has Sailors Howling, MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Tells The Truth About Karoline & CHAOS!

What a Hump Day. I mean, we're one week away from Christmas Eve (!!!), and this Hump Day has me dog-tired. 

And not for the good Hump Day reason!

Tua's been benched. Whew. About time. I could play better QB. So could you. It's #WinWithQuinn time in Miami. Can't wait. 

More importantly, I struck quite a nerve this week with my takedown of Vero Beach football. And it wasn't even a takedown! That's the funny part. Loyal Nightcaps students know that I went easy on my former school. We'll dive in here in a bit, because the mailbox is overflowing, and the takes are SIZZLING. 

But first, welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where CBS's Jenny Dell gets the Navy sailors howling. 

What else? I've got MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna defending Karoline Leavitt (duh), high school football talk, Tua talk, and the new First Lady of Miami checks IN. 

Welcome to the show, Madelyn Barnes. Let's win some football games. 

Grab you something with caffeine in it because we have ONE WEEK left before it's GO time, and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!

This is the exact moment Tua was cooked

Does anyone have it worse than Dolphins fans? That's a serious question. I can't think of a franchise that's made fans more miserable over the years. Maybe the Cleveland Browns? The Raiders? For years, it was the Lions, but that's long gone. 

I've lived through …

• Fiedler
• Huard
• Lucas
• Griese
• Feeley
• Rosenfels
• Frerotte
• Culpepper
• Harrington
• Lemon
• Green
• Beck
• Pennington
• Henne
• Thigpen
• Moore
• Tannehill
• Cutler
• Osweiler
• Fitzpatrick
• Rosen
• Tua
• Brissett
• Bridgewater
• Thompson

And now, 

• Quinn Ewers!

I know Browns fans have a similar list in length, but my God, it just can't get any worse. No playoff wins in 25 years. The laughingstock of the league every single season. The Patriots have literally built a dynasty, tore it down, and rebuilt it in FIVE YEARS. 

Pit of misery, dilly dilly!

This, by the way, is the exact moment Mike McDaniel said enough was enough. I knew it when I saw it. Get this clown off my TEAM:

Mount Rushmore of Vicious High School Parents!

I mean, what are we doing here? It's so embarrassing. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, Quinn Ewers does on Sunday will be worse. It's not possible. 

(It is very, VERY possible). 

OK, moving on …

The pitchforks are OUT right now in my hometown, as I told you Monday. It all stems from my high school football team choking away a state title last weekend in unbelievable fashion. If you missed it, catch up here and then rejoin class … STAT. 

I opened up the mailbag to the readers, and whoaaaaaaaaa nellie!, did you guys deliver!

From Gary C in South Carolina:

Having grown up in Ft. Lauderdale (when it was much smaller) in the 60's and played HS Football (Are they still the Flying L's), it is hard to describe to people from elsewhere what a big deal HS Football is in Fla. 

Having played in the Florida rain in ankle deep water, no turf, just mud, the elements provide their own hurdles but when you add whatever insanity infected the coaching staff, I guess you get the unfortunate outcome that Vero experienced. 

My Mother was VP of our booster club and I can tell you she would lead the torches and pitchfork brigade for that coaching staff.

Thanks, Gary! Speaking of angry boosters, I DID get a very angry email from a Vero booster who accused me of being disrespectful to the coach. Clearly, she's never read anything of mine at OutKick, or she'd have known that I handled that story with kid gloves. 

If it were ANY other school in America, I would've torched the coach. Torched him. I didn't even call for this one to be fired! 

You're welcome. 

It did get me to thinking about my Mount Rushmore of Easily Triggered High School Parents. I covered high school sports in Florida for nearly eight years before coming to OutKick in 2022, so this one is pretty simple for me:

1. Wrestling parents (easily the most insane of the bunch)

2. Softball parents (they ALWAYS think they're being unfairly covered)

3. Football parents (see above)

4. Baseball parents (their kid is ALWAYS the next Mike Trout. Always, always, always)

Jenny, Madelyn & Anna Paulina, oh my!

I didn't even include basketball parents! Never really had a bad experience with them, but I also don't cover Pennsylvania high school athletics, so perhaps it's different up north. 

I did get one email defending the three kneels, which I respected given I thought that was impossible to do. 

From Jason:

I understand the frustration with the outcome, but analytically and practically, I think the coach got this mostly right.

You note how effective they’d been running the ball, which is a point in favor of going for the first down. But at the high-school level - especially in the rain - RBs fumble roughly once every 25–30 carries, and that’s before factoring in wet exchanges and defenders actively trying to stand the runner up and strip the ball.

That dynamic both increases fumble risk and lowers conversion odds, since ball security becomes the priority. 

If you assume the first down isn’t a given, the safety makes sense: it eliminates punt risk in the rain and burns enough clock to remove multiple plays from the opponent’s drive.

The one place I disagree is the squib kick.

Thanks, Jason! Appreciate the defense. I do. Someone had to try and figure it out, although I disagree pretty strongly here. 

If you run the ball and fumble it, that's just football. The other team STILL needs to score a touchdown, and a two-point conversion. And if all of that happens, the absolute worst-case scenario is a tie game. You cannot lose in that scenario. 

Purposely giving the team two points, and then kicking the ball 10 yards on the ensuing kickoff, is just a recipe for disaster. And it was. 

OK, let's rapid-fire this weird Xs and Os class into a big Hump Day night. First up? Anna Paulina Luna is out for BLOOD today after Vanity Fair did Karoline Leavitt DIRTY with this magazine cover:

Get ‘em, Anna Paulina! Unacceptable behavior from Vanity Fair, but not surprising. Just a disgusting move. As for Anna Paulina’s question, we've already done that Mount Rushmore, but we'll rehash it here for old time's sake:

1. Kayleigh McEnany (Trump 2020-21) ((duh))

2. Karoline Leavitt (will be gunning for the top spot by the time JD takes over)

3. Dana Perino (Bush 07-09) ((duh again))

4. Sarah Sanders (Trump 17-19) ((scared the bejesus out of me and we're on the same team!))

Two Mount Rushmores in one class? What a day. What a Hump Day. 

Kayleigh McEnany. Getty Images

Next? How about Jenny Dell getting the Standing O at last Saturday's Army/Navy game? Remember where you met her first, boys and girls. Right here. We don't jump in on trends, we start them:

That's our girl! We respect the vets around here. We respect Jenny Dell. 

OK, that's it for today. Big day, big class, big week. Seven days till Christmas Eve. Eight till the big day. Strap in. We're in for a photo finish. 

Quinn Ewers' girlfriend, Madelyn Barnes – AKA the new First Lady of Miami – takes us home!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Did Jason sway anyone's opinion? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.