Brittany Mahomes Has Libs Seething With Her Offseason Swimsuit, Kay Adams Content Dump & Smug Chuck Schumer
Over the hump and safely into May. April was a bit bumpy thanks to Mr. Dow and Ms. S&P, but both seem to be feeling green as we barrel toward summer. What could go wrong?!
Regardless, right now, we're all in good moods as we start a new month. Let's roll!
Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we wind down from a big NFL Draft with Brittany Mahomes, and go from there.
What else? I've got Lyin' Chuck Schumer getting bitch-slapped by Phil Mickelson (GOOD!), Kay Adams spent last night dropping some NFL Draft #content as she gears up for Churchill Downs, and the hottest new sideline reporter on the internet is making international waves.
Whew. What a menu! I'd also like to get everyone's thoughts on Cracker Barrel, which I admittedly forgot to do yesterday. Oh well. It's a new day, and I need your guys' input – especially if you've been boots on the ground lately.
OK, grab you a cup of Cracker Barrel coffee and a bowl of baked apples, and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!
We been in a Cracker Barrel recently? What are you seeing?
We're gonna start at the Barrel, because it's been weighing on me ever since I wrote about it yesterday morning …
First, the background:
Word started trickling out last summer that our great restaurant was undergoing some modern changes, and I knew right then this thing could go off the rails. I wrote about it. You guys read it, because you flooded my inbox with angry responses. I get it.
Now, nearly a year later, those changes are starting to permeate throughout Cracker Barrel locations throughout this great country – and the old folks ain't thrilled about 'em.
The Gen-Zers have decided to invade our space, and make everything modern. Banquet seating? Lighter paint options? Fresher? Cleaner?
Nope. That's not what we want. Not what we grew up with. Not what we go to Cracker Barrel for. It's disgusting, and it's insulting to you, me, and mamaws all across this country.
This ain't your daddy's – or your grandaddy's – Cracker Barrel. It's some modernized version of the establishment we've all come to know and love, and we shouldn't stand for it for one more second.
Obviously, I'm not a fan. Judging by the reaction over on the social medias, most folks ain't either. I go to Cracker Barrel for the rocking chairs, Conway Twitty CDs and candy from WWII. Sunrise Sampler ain't bad, either.
Do we need an updated Cracker Barrel? Seems odd to me.
From Greg W. in St. Augustine (right after bashing me for some previous Waffle House slander, which was fair):
The new design is embarrassing and they should have hired you straight-away for their marketing. You nailed it...we don't stroll into Cracker Barrel looking for the future. They have nostalgia on their side. And they dropped their proverbial shorts and pooped on it!
Greg from St. Augy wasn't alone, either!
There were, of course, a couple dudes who said I was being a whiny little brat, and that's fine, too. It's my class, though, so I won't share those. They could certainly have a point, though.
Which is why I'm bringing this to Nightcaps. You guys are usually pretty spot-on with stuff like this. What's the vibe right now at the local Cracker Barrel? Have you been to one recently? Good? Bad? I need to know.
Zach.Dean@OutKick.com. Fire away!
I've never hated this scumbag Chuck Schumer more, and that's saying something
Now that we're nice and full from a hearty breakfast, let's dive into the nonsense …
This Chuck Schumer is just insufferable. Intolerable. The biggest scumbag in politics. He can't grill a burger, can't identify a woman, and looks like he smells like moth balls. Seriously. I've smelled that man before – I live in Florida, you know. I can feel it in my plumbs.
Anyway, this loser had the audacity to shut down a bill yesterday that would've required proof of citizenship to vote, and then smugly grinned at all the Big Rs behind him. Jackass.
Luckily for us, we have Phil Mickelson on our team to call this dummy out for the world to see.
TRAITOR!
It's Britney, bitch! Seattle's new star & Kay's NFL Draft recap
God. He's just the worst. The Dems have lost the plot so badly. There are no alphas in the room. Nobody has a set of balls anymore, and if they do, he's a she.
This is who they are, though. The second Trump puts his fingers on anything, even if it's common sense – like REQUIRING PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP TO VOTE! – they shit all over it.
They'd rather have MS-13 thugs infiltrating the country, and illegals flooding the polls, then agree with Trump on one single thing. It's disgusting. It's un-American. It's insulting, frankly, to you, me, and everyone else in this country.
Thank God for Lefty. He's #ForThePeople!
I miss the days when Phil was universally loved like that. Maybe he still is? I don't know. But goodness, he was electric.
PS: Two-week warning till the PGA Championship. Spend the next two weekends wisely. Don't say I didn't warn you.
OK, rapid-fire time on this first Thursday of May. Lead us off, Brittany!
Welcome back to class, Ms. Mahomes! Nightcaps has been very clear in our pro-Brittany Mahomes stance, and we certainly ain't wavering now.
Some people on the internet are speculating about a boob job. That ain't my lane. I have no clue. I also don't care. She's 100% real in this class, and will remain that way as long as I'm writing the lesson plans.
Next? Speaking of the post-NFL Draft content, let's welcome back Kay Adams, who is currently gearing up for Saturday's Kentucky Derby.
Brittany's on vacation, but Kay is still grinding. God, I respect that. Cannot WAIT to see what sort of #content we get out of the Derby this weekend. I think she's gonna dominate. We'll see.
PS: There's a horse named Journalism in the field? And it's the favorite? My God. The Big Js are gonna be insufferable if it wins. Can't let that happen.
I'm personally rolling with either Render Judgement (the late Toby Keith's horse, 30/1) or Admire Daytona (a Japanese horse named after the city right down the road from me for reasons I cannot explain, also 30/1).
Finally, let's end class by checking in with Miami Heat sideline reporter Trish Christakis. Trish, for those who live under a rock, is currently blowing up the internet because she's a smokeshow.
This happens about once a year (remember Aileen Hnatiuk?), and it's always a fun little ride when it does.
See you tomorrow (Go Cats!).
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You been to a Cracker Barrel recently? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.