Alex Rodriguez Has A New Look And It Can't Be What He Was Going For

Alex Rodriguez has resurfaced on the eve of spring training, and he seems well. 

Toasty, but well. 

A-Rod showed up courtside Friday night to the Bucks-Timberwolves game, and appeared to be having a great time. How could you not when you're enjoying the company of your smokeshow, fitness trainer girlfriend, Jaclyn Cordeiro?

Stephen A. Smith was also flanked on Rodriguez's other side, so I assume that made him miserable. But not everything in life is gonna be perfect, so whatever. 

Anyway, that's not the point here. Point is, A-Rod showed up looking like Ross from Friends when he couldn't figure out the spray tan machine and it was a jarring sight:

Alex Rodriguez and Sammy Sosa are forever linked 

Holy cow! That last one, specifically, is shocking. What the hell is happening here?

I used the Ross Gellar comparison, which I thought was pretty spot-on. If you're a Friends fan, I'd imagine it's the first thing you thought of, too:

The rest of the internet used the Sammy Sosa one. 

Imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning and saw Sammy was trending. I figured he'd died or something. Nope. Just this:

Again, jarring stuff. Truly. 

So, what do we think really happened to Alex Rodriguez? This can't be what he was going for, can it? 

I know he's a big South Beach guy and he's got the model girlfriend and whatnot, but this couldn't have possibly been the plan. He's smarter than that. He's got some standards, right?

There's a legit chance he A) fell asleep in his tanning bed, and we all know he has a personal tanning bed, or B) threw on some tanning oil for a day at the beach, got tanked and didn't realize he'd been out there for eight hours. 

I refuse to believe that was the look he was ultimately going for. Not by choice. A-Rod may be annoying as hell to listen to, but he's not dumb. 

We need answers and we need them STAT.