4 Thanksgiving Dinner Topics That'll Trigger Your Liberal Aunt

Big day today, boys and girls. For some, like myself, this is our Super Bowl. You only fry one turkey a year. You screw it up, and you have to live with it for the next 365 days. 

I've got 35 people depending on me to not screw it up today. If I don't nail this bird, we're all finding the nearest chinese restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner. Honestly, I'd be OK with that, but that's between me and you. 

Anyway, I won't screw it up. I'm like primetime Calvin Johnson on Thanksgiving. I always put the team on my back. I've been doing this every single year since COVID. I know the gameplan by heart. I know what the defense will throw at me, and I have a counter for every move. 

I'm locked and loaded. The turkey will be good. Will the attitudes match it at the table later today? That's iffy, especially this season. 

Don't know if you've heard, but tensions are HIGH right now across America. Have been for quite some time. If you're a Trumper and find yourself in the middle of a LIB Thanksgiving, you better have your head on a swivel. Vice versa, of course. 

Now, I don't condone confrontation. But, it's bound to happen today. It just will. I've seen it far too many times in my own family. One Thanksgiving decades ago, my grandma (God rest her soul) left Thanksgiving dinner in tears. What a day. 

My point is, you HAVE to be prepared for battle today, just in case. Here are some topics to have in the holster just in case you need to break ‘em out. Hopefully, these bullets stay in the chamber. But, you have them for protection. 

You are WELCOME. 

1. The border!

Oh, hell yes. You wanna really see your liberal aunt fume, bring up the TOTALLY SECURE BORDER later today. This will get the juices flowing right off the bat. 

Set the tone early with this one. She walks in, you greet her with a hug, offer her a drink, and ask, "Do you want ICE with that?" with a smirk. Or, I don't know, put a ‘LEGALS ONLY’ sign on the front door to greet her. Those are always crowd-pleasers, at least in my neighborhood. 

Either or. Take your pick. Have fun with it. Trump has basically shut down the border completely. It's over. Donezo. We have all the cards on this one. Easy win. 

2. Transgenders in women's sports

Again, an easy win here, and something that will trigger the SHIT out of a LIB today. They refuse to wave the white flag on this one, even though it's a 95-5 issue in America. 

Pablo Torre just ran a six-month investigation on Riley Gaines and refused - REFUSED – to answer Clay when he asked whether he thought men should be allowed in women's sports. 

It's such an easy answer for everyone … except the progressive, gaslighting, full-of-shit Libs. They REFUSE to bend the knee on this one. It's their Everest. This is the hill they've chosen to die on. 

So, let them die on it today. Go to war over this one. After your fifth beer halfway through the Lions game, make some obscure comment about someone on the Lions being a transgender because he's playing like crap – probably Goff because he's on my fantasy team – and let the chips fall where they may. 

Beautiful. 

3. Wear a Freedom shirt to answer the door

This is the Mona Lisa. You want to really set the tone on Thanksgiving? Wear a Charlie Kirk "Freedom" shirt to greet everyone as they walk in. This is the tell-tale sign of who you voted for last fall. It's like seeing an American Flag in the yard. 

When you see that, you know it's a Republican house. And, when you see someone wearing a Charlie Kirk shirt, you know they're a Republican. Or, frankly, just a sane person. 

This will send your Lib aunt into an absolute spiral today. She'll be toast. She won't stand a chance. The Libs HATE Charlie Kirk. Hate him. They so badly want to talk bad about him, and they're just itching for the chance. 

I say give it to them today. Let's see what kind of balls they have. How testy do they wanna be on Thanksgiving? You pull this one off, and you're all in. 

This is the point of no return, by the way. So be cautious. If and when you do this one, there is no turning back. No turning off the spigot. You're committed. 

4. Use plastic EVERYTHING

The LIBS despise plastic. I promise you that your Lib aunt absolutely refuses to use plastic when she goes out. She won't do it. It's paper straws or NOTHING for them. 

Not today. Not at this dinner. At this Thanksgiving table, we use plastic cups to drink our domestic beer, plastic forks to eat our boxed stuffing, plastic knives to cut our dry turkey, and plastic spoons to eat our pecan pie. 

And when you're done, bring out the big ass yard trash can and have everyone throw all their plastic in there instead of the recycling bin right next to it. Because, in this house, ‘We don’t recycle. We're patriots.' 

Lastly, go on some diatribe about how recycling is a myth (it is) and 100% BS (it is) and it all goes to the same place anyway (it does). 

The end. 

Chefs kiss. 

What a day.