Chase Elliott Sends A Message, Bubba Wallace Calls Out ‘Mental Case,’ NASCAR Ratings Dive, Blaney Blasts Chastain & Hooters Gianna Gets Patriotic In A Bikini

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Be honest — did you remember there was a NASCAR race on yesterday? It’s OK, this is a safe space. I won’t judge you one bit, mainly because I forgot, too.

I mean, come on. Scott Hanson or Rick Allen? (The fact that you don’t know who the second guy is answers that question).

Chase Elliott or Tua Tagovailoa? Admittedly, that one is a little tougher for me because I’m a Chase homer, but nobody will ever pull rank on the NFL’s 2023 MVP.

Chase, by the way, has begged NASCAR to stop competing with the NFL for years now. He warned everyone this time last year that it was a losing battle, and I believe we’re gonna see that start to unfold again when the Nielsen numbers come out this week.

The good news, though, is that you didn’t have to watch Tyler Reddick win yesterday, because I have you covered this morning! It’s why they call us the No. 1 ranked NASCAR column in America, you know.

So let’s talk about it, damnit!

Bubba Wallace is taking heat today for throwing out the term “mental case,” which is silly. Stop being so sensitive. You’re NASCAR fans, act like it.

Chase Elliott may or may not have — but definitely did — send a message to teammate Kyle Larson. You can tell us it wasn’t all you want, Chase, but we know. We have eyes. Don’t bullsh*t a bullsh*tter.

Ryan Blaney was PISSED as all get-out from the jump at Kansas. He continues to have an absolute stranglehold on the NASCAR F-Bomb industry.

Not to worry, though — Hooters Gianna Tulio will set his ass straight, and she’ll do it in a patriotic damn bikini. Let’s have a day!

Four tires, a couple cans of Sunoco fuel and a bleep button for Ryan Blaney! Monday Morning Pit-Stop — the ‘If A Tree Falls In A Forest But Nobody Is There To Hear It Does It Make A Sound?’ edition — is LIVE!

Chase Elliott sends a message even though he promises he didn’t

Let’s hop right in with a little pit road bump. Sound like a plan?

Chase Elliott was good yesterday. Really good, actually. Frankly, that team looks like they’ve finally started trying since the playoffs began. Maybe try to actually get in them next time, huh?

Anyway, Clyde led a ton of laps but finished sixth after getting a little too snuggly with his NASCAR buddy, Kyle Larson, during a late pit stop.

Kyle got squeezed into a four-ride drag race by Brad Keselowski, which shoved him into Chase. Elliott then returned the favor after they got off pit road.

Well, he says he didn’t, but he’s also full of crap. You be the judge!

Bubba Wallace angers the NASCAR fans who are also full of crap

Yeah, OK, Chase. Whatever you say! Maybe he was just texting and driving and did a little uh-oh swerve? Hell, I do that literally every single day. So do you.

We all like to act like we’re anti-text-and-drive, but we’re really not. I love it. Embrace it. I see it as a challenge.

Oh, you don’t think I can write this entire paragraph while also keeping my truck between the lines and not run someone over? Game on. Watch this, losers.

Every day. Love it.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Chase. Ain’t buying it, buddy. We’re smarter than that around here. It’s why we’re nationally ranked.

Now, let’s check in with Bubba Wallace, who blew a tire from second yesterday and also angered the fans by calling his teammate a mental case.

What a day!

It was a great day for Ryan Blaney and NASCAR champ Martin Truex Jr.

Guys. Come on. You’re NASCAR fans, not cricket fans. Act like it for me one time.

PS: cricket? No idea if their fans are soft or not but it’s the first thing that came to mind. No offense to those in the cricket community who read my weekly NASCAR column, of which I’m sure there are many.

Bubba gives ya’ll plenty to actually be pissed about. He’s way too dramatic at times, the interview stuff from last week, the once-in-a-while virtue-signaling — all of that’s justified. I get it.

But this? Him calling his teammate a mental case? You’re gonna get fake mad about that even though deep down you truly do not give a sh*t? Stop. I’m all for hating Bubba — mainly because the Google Algo loves it — but let’s not look like idiots along the way. Deal?

Let’s now check in with Bubba’s good buddy — Angry Ryan Blaney!

Amazing. Nobody has the F-Bomb market cornered in the NASCAR garage quite like Rhino. So angry all the time, and he finished 12th! Gonna easily get into the next round of the playoffs if he hasn’t already clinched.


Now, you know who is oddly in trouble heading into Bristol’s elimination race? Martin Truex Jr., otherwise known as the regular season champion.

MTJ has finished 18th and 36 (!!!) over the first two playoff races, and somehow sits BELOW the cutline for the next round. Seriously. He’s seven points out heading to Bristol, followed by fan-favorite Bubba Wallace (-19).

Martin, how we feeling?

Gianna Tulio gets patriotic with the Hooters girls

Whooooof. Imagine if the regular season champ gets eliminated three races into the playoffs? The dozen of MTJ fans out there will be furious.

Relax, it’s a joke!

I think he’ll be OK, though. Bristol is up next, and it’s one of my favorite races of the year. There is NOTHING like the Bristol night race. Now, I miss the OG one that was annually held in August before the playoffs, but whatever. This one is still fun.

Unfortunately, like Chase said before this race last year, it’ll get lost on a college football Saturday night. It’s a damn shame, too.

Football is back, folks, and the NASCAR ratings are about to take the yearly dive. I’m not rooting for it, but I promise it’s gonna happen. Like JK Dobbins getting hurt, it’s a yearly tradition.

I’ll be watching, though! And that’s all that matters.

Take us home, Gianna Tulio. And maybe ask Ryan why he’s so pissed when you get a minute.

(Second to last pic for those who weirdly don’t want to scroll through them all).

Written by Zach Dean

Zach grew up in Florida, lives in Florida, and will never leave Florida ... for obvious reasons. He's a reigning fantasy football league champion, knows everything there is to know about NASCAR, and once passed out (briefly!) during a lap around Daytona. He swears they were going 200 mph even though they clearly were not.

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  1. PS: cricket? No idea if their fans are soft or not but it’s the first thing that came to mind. No offense to those in the cricket community who read my weekly NASCAR column, of which I’m sure there are many.

    Well, at least one. A Test Cricket Series [such as the Ashes between England and Australia] is played in five matches of up to five days each up to seven hours a day. Those fans are not soft.

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