Antonio Brown took time out of his day Thursday to provide the world with perhaps the hottest take of all time.
And that’s saying something for Antonio Brown – the guy who just last year ripped his jersey off in the middle of a game and ran off the field.
The guy who once nearly froze his toes off.
The guy who once showed up to training camp in a hot air balloon.
The guy who, last month, gave a laughably bad rap performance during a music fest.
Just before 4 p.m., Brown tweeted the following message.
Buckle up, folks.
Holy cannoli! I don’t even know where to begin. It’s possible this is all just a joke. AB saw this quote, thought it was funny, and pretended it was real.
But the crazy part is that it’s not unbelievable that he would say it. And, even if it is a joke, he probably still believes it to be true. So let’s just break it down as if it IS real because that’s more fun.
Right off the bat AB brings up calling his Raiders GM Mike Mayock a “cracker.” Talk about coming out of the gates with a bang.
Then, he takes us for a trip down memory lane, talking about the hot air balloon, the frozen feet, the one time he hurled rocks at a UPS driver.
But then, AB drops us this line: “My biggest regret is that I’ll never get to see me, Antonio Brown, play a game live.”
He went third-person on us! Once you choose the third-person route, there is absolutely not turning back.
As if that wasn’t enough, Brown then doubles down and goes into our minds as viewers and tries to imagine what it was like to watch him play.
Naturally, AB can’t even begin to imagine the true greatness that is himself and how lucky we all were to watch him play football. And, frankly, who can blame him?
AB then saves the best for last – and that’s truly saying something after that rollercoaster – by then essentially comparing himself to Jesus Christ or The Beatles.
Fair comparisons if we’re being honest.
After reading all of that, I truly cannot think of a better, more perfect way to put a bow on perhaps the hottest take of all time.
So thank you, AB, for all you did for the game of football – and, in the case of Jesus, for absolving us of all our sins.
I don’t know how we’ll survive without you.