Alleged Anal Beads Chess Cheater Gets Pre-Match Body Scan

Every time you think the Hans Niemann chess cheating scandal can’t get any wilder, it does.

Niemann has now been at the center of controversy after he was accused of cheating by grandmaster Magnus Carlsen.

He has admitted to cheating in the past, and a recent report estimates at least 100 different instances where the American grandmaster may have cheated.

Now, chess officials aren’t taking any chances, so they’ve gone full-TSA on Mr. Neimann,

This was at the U.S. Championships and Neimann was found to be clean. So, he played that match and wound up winning.

Is this vindication for Hans Neimann?

I’m no chess expert (I do know that the horse pieces move in an L-shape, though) but I’d say that one clean victory will not be enough to repair his image.

I mean, the man faced enough accusations of using anal beads to cheat that someone had to go out and buy one of those wand things.

From here on out — whether true or not — the name Hans Niemann will not be followed with “Oh you mean the chess super grandmaster?”

No. Instead, it’ll be followed with “Oh, you mean the chess super grandmaster who was accused of cheating by way of vibrating anal beads?”

It’s tough to come back from accusations like that.

But who knows? Maybe he will. Everyone loves a good comeback story.

Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle

Written by Matt Reigle

Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.

Leave a Reply