Analysis: Was Being Punched By Mike Tyson On A Plane Actually A Smart Life Decision?

Stop and think of those holiday weekends when you’ve been drinking a few and someone in the text group wants to play a game of, ‘How much to let Mike Tyson punch your brains out on an airplane?’

We’ve all been there thinking about a dollar figure to allow that man’s fist to meet up with our own skulls. There’s always the “1 million dollars, no less” guy who actually means he’d take $250k cash so he could pay off the boat and the lake trailer.

This week a moron decided to play the game, but he was willing to do it as unpaid labor. On a flight from San Francisco to Florida, a passenger decided to taunt Mike Tyson to the point where the former heavyweight champ had enough and pummeled the guy.

Now, I need you to take out the fact that the guy is a complete douche for harassing Tyson to the point where he needed a beatdown. Forget that part. That’s a separate discussion.

I’m here to argue that surviving a Mike Tyson two-piece — it looks more like a four-piece — is actually great for this guy’s social life.

Beat up by Mike Tyson
An airline passenger shows the results of being beat up by Mike Tyson / TMZ

This isn’t like one of those First Take shows where I’m arguing just to argue. Let’s think about this for a minute.

  1. The guy survived, so that’s a great thing
  2. Think about the bar stories that will come out of this incident for the rest of this guy’s life
  3. I know what you’re thinking…this would be horrible to be known for in a bar…people will want to fight him because he’s the guy who survived Tyson’s beatdown…they’ll want to finish him off
  4. Woah, pump the brakes here. Will guys actually want to test Chad (or whatever his name is) after he survived an ass-whoopin’ from Tyson? The guy proved his skull can take an insane pounding and he can live to survive the flight.
  5. This incident is going to have the opposite effect. Guys will want to hear the story. Deep down, they want to know what it was like to have that fury raining down. We’ve all thought about it. We’ve thought about how many rounds we could last with Tyson hitting us with shots while wearing gloves.
  6. Women will go nuts over this. I know, I know…but he was a complete douche, women hate douches like this guy. Nope. Ask the psychologists. “Men with very masculine traits may have better quality genes, so it could be attractive to women on an unconscious evolutionary level,” Madeleine A. Fugère, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University told Good Housekeeping in 2020.
  7. Remember, women don’t want to necessarily marry the bad boys who can survive a Tyson ass-whoopin’, but they definitely seek them out at the bar on Thirsty Thursdays. “Bad boys can be a welcome change from the usual types of partners,” Dr. Fugère noted in her bad boy analysis.
  8. Chad (or whatever his name is) can use this story as a pivot point on his life resume. “Yeah, I’m that guy who was pummeled by Mike Tyson on an airplane, but it taught me a great life lesson…I’ve grown from this.” BOOM, you instantly have the room in the palm of your hands. OMG, I need to hear this! is instantly running through the minds of men and women who are fascinated by what you’re about to share.
  9. This is obit resume material — In his 20s, Chad survived a four-piece from legendary boxer Mike Tyson THAT HE DESERVED!
  10. This guy is going to dominate suburban cul-de-sac games of ‘Two Truths and a Lie’

I get the initial reaction to such a moment in pop culture history is not admirable, and it’s not, but I think this story is going to age gracefully for Chad (or whatever his name is), and text groups around the world will continue to debate ‘How much to let Mike Tyson punch your brains out on an airplane?’

*Disclaimer: It’s highly not recommended to taunt Mike Tyson into pummeling your brain. Do so at your own risk. I share absolutely no blame if he breaks your skull.

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.


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