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U.S. Gov’t: In Case Of A Nuclear Attack Remember COVID Rules

Remember to flatten the curve as you’re being flattened by a nuclear bomb. That’s the message from FEMA and the U.S. government via the ‘Nuclear Explosion’ section on Ready.gov where citizens are reminded to “Get inside the nearest building to avoid radiation,” but to also remember to “Try to maintain a distance of at least six feet between yourself and people who are not part of your household” as this nuclear blast is going off.

That’s right, you need to be thinking about COVID as the world is ending via nuclear war with Putin, China, the North Korean fat boy and any other maniacs who want to join the party in ending it all.

“If possible, wear a mask if you’re sheltering with people who are not a part of your household,” the U.S. government continues. “Children under two years old, people who have trouble breathing, and those who are unable to remove masks on their own should not wear them,” your overlords added.

Again, this isn’t a joke. This is right there on Ready.gov. Go look for yourself. This isn’t some Babylon Bee site. This is 100% paid for with U.S. tax dollars.

There’s more from the U.S. government on how to handle these nuclear blast situations.

“If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 9-1-1 and let the operator know if you have, or think you might have, COVID-19. If you can, put on a mask before help arrives,” Ready.gov editors write.

“Engage virtually with your community through video and phone calls. Know that it’s normal to feel anxious or stressed. Take care of your body and talk to someone if you are feeling upset. Many people may already feel fear and anxiety about the coronavirus 2019 (COVID-19). The threat of a nuclear explosion can add additional stress.”

Nice to know, thanks.

Now, let’s ramp things up a bit by playing with NukeMap, where you can enter possible nuke targets around the United States to see if you’d be blown up or die a cruel death due to radiation. NukeMap let’s you select the area of the country and the bomb you want to detonate.

Let’s start with Detroit and the Hiroshima bomb.

As you can see, downtown Detroit would be wiped off the map if one of these rogue nations decides they want to take out the Motor City. Remember, wear your masks and maintain social distancing!

via NukeMap

Now, let’s crank it up a notch and hit Washington D.C. with the ‘Tsar Bomba,’ the largest Russian nuclear bomb ever designed, according to NukeMap. This bomb is going to take out D.C., the suburbs and even Baltimore is being wiped off the map with this one.

Again, if you even figure out a way to survive, you’ll want to mask up so you don’t give a fellow resident the ‘VID. And maintain social distancing as you avoid the piles of dead people.

via NukeMap

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

4 Comments

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  1. Me: “Hi, 911? A nuclear bomb just exploded near my home.”

    911: “What the fuck do you want us to do about it?”

    Remember, these people who tell you to wear your mask while trying to avoid fallout during nuclear winter can not be questioned, lest you be questioning the SCieNcE, you unpatriotic heathens.

  2. Just when government couldn’t get any dumber. WTF do we have a government for, other than hopefully to enforce laws? So let me get this straight. If I happened to be lucky enough to own a fallout shelter I should only allow as many people in as can be accommodated with 6’ social distancing? Leftists are too stupid to remember to breathe.

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