Thief Takes Dump In Community Center Sink, And That Wasn’t Even The Dumbest Decision They Made

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A thief in Washington was such a bumbling idiot that he took a dump in a community center sink and that was the second dumbest thing he did.

SECOND!

For most of us, defecating in a community center sink would be the dumbest thing we do in our entire lives. Not the second dumbest during the commission of a single crime!

Appalling… and Dumb Criminal Hall of Fame-worthy for sure.

According to The Olympian, the crime occurred at a community center in Tukwila, Washington. If that name rings a bell, it’s probably because Major League Rugby’s Seattle Seawolves are based in Tukwila.

Now, unfortunately, the Phantom Pooper, the Northwest’s most mysterious criminal since DB Cooper, could be the town’s claim to fame.

Police in Tukwila, Washington are dealing with a burglar who isn’t particularly tech-savvy and may have a bit of a sour stomach. (Facebook/Tukwila Police Department)

Tukwila Police Are Dealing With One Dumb, Gross Burglar

Tukwila Police posted the details on their Facebook page. They said that the thief broke into the community center’s administrative office and stole an iPad, a charging cable, and a laptop.

Then the thief left their calling card.

That has to be what that is, right? Like, if you’re getting ready to commit a crime, you want to make sure you have as many unforeseen variables under control as possible. One of those is the status of your bowels. You make sure that’s all taken care of before you break into a community center

Whether it was malicious, or a spur-of-the-moment act of desperation, the pooper left a gift in the community center sink.

Tukwila police acknowledged that the thief left behind a DNA sample, but that won’t be their undoing. The thing that’s going to the Phantom Pooper’s perp walk (which will be followed by the officers using large amounts of purell) was the Apple account.

The mystery dumper connected the stolen laptop to their personal Apple account. It may be shocking that someone who dropped trou and defecated in a sink isn’t particularly tech-savvy.

Still, there hasn’t been an arrest made in the case. That said, police are hot on a suspect’s (very gross) tail.

“Said suspect is encouraged to (wash his hands with soap) then come down to our station to return the stolen items and discuss his options to save everyone some time,” the Tukwila PD wrote on Facebook.

Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle

Written by Matt Reigle

Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.

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