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Last month, a woman in Texas had a special delivery for her local police department: 50 lbs worth of poo.
In case you were wondering, that’s 22.7 kilograms or just over 3.5 stone worth of crap.
Mindy Stephens is accused of playing courier for the bucket full of the smelly, steaming cargo that she left Electra Police Department.
Officers at the department about two-and-a-half hours northwest of Dallas walked outside and found three five-gallon buckets filled with freshly delivered dookie. The other thing they found was the 46-year-old Stephens — clad in a hazmat suit — retreating to the confines of an SUV with an attached trailer.
The officers asked Stephens what she was doing. While it’s clear that Mindy Stephens may be a lot of things, one thing she isn’t is a liar because she reportedly told police she was delivering buckets of “human s–t.”
Police recognized Stephens’ voice because it just so happens that she is the wife of the local assistant fire chief.
She can’t say the police didn’t give her a chance to right the wrong. They asked her nicely to pick up the buckets. We can assume they were drawing a lot of flies to the PD by this point.
Stephens must have written those dung buckets a one-way ticket because she told them in no uncertain terms that she wouldn’t be retrieving them.
She wound up being charged — and I’m not kidding here — with illegal dumping. That’s a Class B misdemeanor. She was also charged with breaking the state’s health and safety laws. She was taken to the county jail but posted a $2,000 bond and was released.
So Many Unanswered Questions About This Crappy Crime
I better see this story on the next season of Unsolved Mysteries. There are a lot of unanswered questions.
We don’t have any answers as to who or what filled those buckets. Was it Stephens? An Accomplice? A second crapper on the grassy knoll?
What shocked me most with this story is that she was wearing a hazmat suit. This act seems calculated.
Had it been a crime of passion — a spur-of-the-moment dookie drop-off — I can’t imagine she would have taken the time to round up a hazmat suit.
This makes me wonder if this wasn’t Stephen’s first fecal rodeo. Could she have been delivering buckets of crap all around the lone star state?
It also makes me wonder if her assistant fire chief husband had been privy to her plan. Maybe he saw her hitching the trailer and loading her buckets into the back. He wouldn’t be doing his job as a husband if he didn’t remind her of the hazards she was facing.
If he told her once, he probably told her 100 times: if she was going to be transporting buckets of s–t, wear a hazmat suit.
Hey, safety first.
Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle