The Entire Dodgers Roster Evidently Had Crazy Sex Last July During All-Star Break

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Everyone on the Los Angeles Dodgers evidently spent last July’s All-Star break having non-stop sex in the hopes of creating future Dodger stars.

And it worked like a charm!

In case you haven’t been paying attention to what’s going on in L.A. right now, basically the entire starting nine is on paternity leave. OK, that’s a bit dramatic … there are some pitchers, too!

Take a gander at this rundown:

Dodgers spend MLB all-star break having sex, making babies

Insane numbers here. What do they say? If you fail 70% of the time in baseball you’re a Hall of Famer? Forget that. The fellas out in Los Angeles are batting a thousand right now when it comes to not pulling out.

Obviously the first thing you do when you see a stat like this is the reverse math. It’s the end of April now, so what the hell was going on nine months ago?

Do a little arithmetic, carry the one, and … BAM, nine months ago would’ve been last July. The dog days of summer on the baseball calendar.

Most importantly, it was right around the Major League Baseball All-Star break. Bingo! Case closed, baby!

The MLB season is an absolute grind with very little time off between April and October. You’re on the road for weeks at a time, get a day off here and there, and obviously have very little time for the sex.

If you’re married, of course. I’d imagine the single fellas do just fine on the road.

Dodgers players can't stop having sex and making babies.

Anyway, after some Big J journalist digging, I found that all but one of the above fellas are hitched. Cody Bellinger is the odd man out, but he’s dating longtime girlfriend Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Chase Carter.

So he’s obviously doing OK.

Now, the caveat here is that Cody is no longer in Los Angeles. He’s now with the Chicago Cubs and appears to have regained his MVP form, I might add.

But he was a Dodger last July, which means he qualifies for our sex list.

In any event, congrats to all the new dads out there! And congrats on all the sex last July!

Written by Zach Dean

Zach grew up in Florida, lives in Florida, and will never leave Florida ... for obvious reasons. He's a reigning fantasy football league champion, knows everything there is to know about NASCAR, and once passed out (briefly!) during a lap around Daytona. He swears they were going 200 mph even though they clearly were not.

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