Videos by OutKick
Now that you’re about to trade your khakis for Zubaz, let’s fix you a nightcap. After all, how many more TPS reports can you fake your way through?
Us OutKickers (my pronouns are OutKick/OutKicker/OutKickee) juggle Nightcaps writing duties. And for the next two days, I’ll be tasked with penning what will likely be the most-clicked internet content since Pam and Tommy were boating in the buff.
If you don’t know me, I’m an OutKick OG. I started here when COVID was still a thing. Which, by the way, is oddly still a thing for those playing Big Ten hoops…
But enough about that, let’s talk more about me. I’m one of only two people on the planet who can call themselves an OutKick fantasy football champion. An accolade many have suggested ranks somewhere between a Purple Heart and a Pulitzer. I don’t know. That’s not for me to decide, I just work here.
Most weeks, I handle the Britney Spears beat and fans having sex in stadiums. When either of those two topics make news, the OutKick bat signal is deployed and I grab my cape.
Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, let’s clang some glasses and make some bad decisions.
Mama Kelce’s Cookies Bring All The (Kelce) Boys To The Yard
Travis and Jason Kelce are brothers competing in the Super Bowl. First time you’re hearing that, right? Well, amid all the played out family bragging rights storylines, there was one cool moment from the Kelce crew at the league’s Super Bowl Opening Night on Monday. Donna Kelce, mother to Jason and Travis, showed up to the event with Tupperware containers full of homemade chocolate chip cookies for each of her boys. And who better to narrate a cookie delivery than “The Playmaker,” Michael Irvin…
Death Diving Is A Thing Now
While you were busy snackin’ on cookies, a bunch of idiots in need of attention started a trend called “death diving.” It’s pretty much exactly as it sounds. People dive into water from extreme heights and hope not to die. And of course, they film it. Death Diving is now consider an extreme sport with professionals partaking on a regular basis. Per Fox News, “death diving” TikTok videos have garnered nearly 400 million views.
Speaking of stupidly dangerous things AND the Super Bowl. Some Phoenix skyscrapers had an unexpected visitor this morning.
Stay Thirsty My Friends
If you haven’t already done so, you’re going to want to grab another drink. There’s a good news/bad news scenario unfolding within the Real Housewives. Full disclosure, I’ve never seen an episode of the Real Housewives of wherever. But, from what I gather, it’s a bunch of bitchy women who spend a lot of money happily being filmed. And lip injections are as common as pubes on a nun.
Recently, Kelly Richards, part of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills went on Instagram to show off her bikini. Bad news is – she’s apparently trying to make “double bikinis” a thing. So help me God if hotties start doubling up on swimsuits. This could be a disaster.
The good news? Even these double bikinis provide minimal coverage.
More good news. All is apparently well with JLo and Ben Affleck. Despite looking miserable at the Grammy’s, a little porno password (maybe), appears to have righted the Beniffer ship.
If You’ll Excuse Me, I Mustache You A Question
Alright, time to settle the debate. Give me professional sports’ best mustache of the ’80s. Is it Larry Legend, Sweetness, Donnie Baseball or someone else? Tweet me @OhioAF and let me know who’s worthy of selling the priciest mustache ride ticket.
And another question, what do we think of Natural Light’s new (old cans), yay or nay?
Rod Beck just heard we were talking staches, and he’d like a word…
Erin Andrews And Charissa Thompson Talk Bras, Brah
Don’t ever let a wife or girlfriend tell you it’s weird that you and your friends sit around for hours quizzing one another on where certain mid-’90s pro athletes played their college ball. Just look at what the ladies are debating.
‘The View’ Stinks
We can all agree The View stinks. That was never more apparent than last month when one of the five loudmouths dropped an on-air bomb that would get North Korea’s attention.
So who supplied the sulfur? My guess is Joy or Whoopi, but debate amongst yourselves.
One of those ladies will have to refuel now that they’re out of gas. Wonder if they’ll go Air Force style?
Gassed up ladies from The View and an Air Force plane actually have something in common. They’re both worth a ton of money. That means they likely wouldn’t have much trouble paying court costs associated with a DUI. These ’80s media darlings probably can’t say the same.
Hangin’ With Hayley – Tom Brady Underwear Edition
If you don’t already know OutKick producer and TikTok extraordinaire, Hayley Caronia, you should. Hayley’s the resident TikTok guru around these parts and she had something to say about Tom Brady’s Monday thirst trap.
Hayley’s hitting the Waste Management Phoenix Open this week AND the Super Bowl. Unlike Tom’s drawers, she’ll provide plenty of coverage. Follow Hayley on Twitter @hayleycaronia.
If you think you think you had a bad day, I promise you it could always be worse. You could be a raccoon minding his own business along a Georgia railroad when your nuts freeze to the tracks. That’s what happened to this fury guy when temps hit minus 12 overnight in the middle of January.
If all this chatter didn’t make you forget about the HR department questioning your browser history, be like Allie Rae, and have another.
Follow along on Twitter: @OhioAF and email firstname.lastname@example.org