Wild NASCAR Finish Stuns Everyone, Bubba Wallace Is Mentally Tired & Kyle Busch's Wife Needs More In Bed
NASCAR needed that one. Hell, after the last few weeks, they deserved that one.
Unlike the useless COVID jab, Atlanta was the shot in the arm all automobile fans needed. No rain. No moving it up a day, or back a day. No stupid caution to ruin the final lap.
Just insane racing from start to finish – there was a 16-car pileup on lap TWO, don't forget – and one of the closest finishes in NASCAR history.
That, boys and girls, was a race we can all get behind. The haters will say "these guys SUCK, they can't stop wrecking!" – had one text me that during the final red flag last night – but dont' listen to them.
They probably don't like girls with big butts, either. They're scared of them.
We ain't scared here. We like the wrecking. Embrace it. Need it.
Because it brings us drama, and content, and dramatic Bubba Wallace, and small penis jokes from Samantha Busch …
Wait, what?
That's right! Buckle up for a wild ride today.
We'll revisit the final lap at Atlanta and congratulate Daniel Suarez even though I had money on Kyle Busch. Fair is fair.
What else should we hit over the next few minutes? Sam Busch? Bubba? Hooters? Chase? Giddy Ryan Blaney?
Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes!
Four tires, a microscope for that finish, and maybe a few more inches for Kyle Busch … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘Have You Ever, No I Have Never’ edition – is LIVE!
Again, NASCAR needed this
We'll get to all the nonsense in a bit, but I do need to drive this point home.
It was just an awful start to the 2024 season for NASCAR. I'm not sure I can remember a worse one.
The Clash was a complete wash because they had to move it up a day at about four hours notice. Nobody showed up. The racing stunk. Nobody even knew it was on TV. Brutal.
And then Daytona was worse. You wanna talk about a mess, it just wouldn't stop raining last weekend. Not for a second. Not for a tiny window.
The Daytona 500 is by far the most-watched race of the season. Ain't even kind of close. And they had to push it to a Monday evening.
And then the race ended under caution, which is always a wet towel.
I'll be honest with you – it wasn't looking good. Morale was LOW, buddy.
And then Daniel Suarez, Kyle Busch and Angry Ryan Blaney came to the rescue in the most badass way possible:
Daniel Suarez has the few inches Kyle Busch needs
How great is Clint Bowyer, by the way? He's sort of like Tony Romo, except he's not an insufferable kiss-ass.
Anyway, it was a record-setting race from start to finish – literally. This little pileup on Lap 2 – Lap 2! – was the biggest Atlanta wreck ever:
Look, I didn't expect a pissed off … Josh Williams … to be the funniest thing that came out of that wreck, but I'm here for it.
Josh Williams! Who the hell is that, you ask? He's an Xfinity regular who, by the sounds of it, will probably be staying down there for a while. Remember this little gem from last season?
And hey! That's at Atlanta, too! Guy really loves this place.
Anyway, they all wrecked like hell on the second lap, and it just sort of kept going after that.
There were a record number of lead changes, the finish was insane, and I had people on social media who wouldn't have been watching a NASCAR race in a million years talking about the finish.
Now, did it have to do with gambling? Sure. But whatever. You need eyeballs on the screen, and this race delivered.
Congrats to Daniel Suarez and fiancée Julia Piquet! Better luck next time to Kyle and Sam.
Bubba, Blaney and a fun day!
That's why she's the OG, folks. We don't call her Queen Samantha Busch for nothing, you know.
It's not all just beach bums and airplanes with the NASCAR Wives.
Now, let's check in with some other drivers before we gas up the Chevy and head to Vegas.
First up? Bubba Wallace, who provided us with a classic Bubba post-race debrief:
What a pansy!
I'm just kidding. I know you all aren't, but I am. I give Bubba plenty of crap, but he gets a pass here. I guess I'm just used to the dramatics at this point.
Guy has back-to-back top-fives to start the year, but the real season starts this week at Vegas.
It'll be interesting to see how good everyone's favorite racer actually is this season.
Next up? Kyle Larson, who usually despises plate-racing but came out smiling yesterday. He wasn't alone:
For those wondering, Atlanta is also the first race of the NASCAR playoffs in September.
If you haven't gotten your tickets by now, you may be too late. Just a guess.
Giggle like a school girl if you're excited!
Chase Elliott and Hooters take us to Vegas
You know who can watch a finish like that and not be pissed? Someone who just won a NASCAR title and is engaged to Hooters Gianna Tulio. That's who.
I do miss Angry Ryan Blaney, but I reckon he'll be back before too long. You can't keep that guy bottled up forever.
Hell, it's only a matter of time before Angry Chase Elliott comes back out, too.
Poor Clyde. Atlanta is a home race for him and I'm pretty sure he was involved in five of the 11 wrecks. I'm serious, every time I looked up the Hooters Chevy was sliding through the infield.
Oh well. He'll survive. I promise.
He slept just fine last night.
See you in Vegas.