Why Does The Timberwolves' Court Look Like The Chernobyl Exclusion Zone?

Well, boys and girls, it finally happened.

The big one. The one that we've been dreading since the space race (and invented an entire fake clock for) finally got dropped.

One of the B.R.I.C.S. nations finally got fed up with our American way of living and decided to unleash the fury of their nuclear arsenal on the unsuspecting people of Minneapolis, Minnesota.

It's an odd place to pick, considering there are cities closer to Beijing or Moscow that make more sense strategically and economically, but what's done is done?

What am I talking about, exactly?

Well, if you didn't see it last night, the Minnesota Timberwolves welcomed the Utah Jazz to their home arena, the Target Center, to play on what I can only describe as an irradiated basketball court that looks like it was lifted straight from the Chernobyl exclusion zone.

Just a heads-up, you might want to put on a pair of sunglasses before you scroll any further.

Oh, dear Lord! My eyes!

What on God's green (or in this case, very green) Earth is making that basketball court look like a concentrated stockpile of uranium.

I half expected the halftime show to be Doc Brown in a DeLorean defending the court from a group of militant Libyans.

This honestly feels like something straight out of The Simpsons, where the Springfield Isotopes have a promotional night where their field gets spray-painted "nuclear green" and the first 1,000 fans to show up get a free hazmat suit.

I know this has everything to do with the NBA Cup and all of these franchises trying to one-up the other with their court designs because their fans are a bunch of short-attention-span children, but this is a bridge too far.

The fine folks on X had an absolute field day with the Timberwolves and their radioactive landfill of a home court.

Watching the NBA has always been painfully boring to me, but this is now physically painful, as well.

It must offer some kind of homecourt advantage, though, as the T-Wolves absolutely blasted the Jazz by a score of 137-97.

Hey, whatever it takes to win, I guess.