White Sox New Addition To Clubhouse Could Change The Game

Could this be a secret weapon on the Southside?

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Baseball is a funny game.

With how prevalent analytics have become in the last 25 years thanks to the "Moneyball" Oakland A's, teams have been trying to find any small way to find a competitive edge.

A team like the Chicago White Sox could use any advantage they can get, considering their abysmal record the past several seasons.

READ: Pope Leo Invited To Throw Out First Pitch At White Sox New Stadium By Team Owner

While it stands to reason some of their tactics would be a little unconventional, I'm not sure how their latest addition to the clubhouse at Rate Field will help them add any more W's to their record this coming season.

I have some problems with this, so just hear me out for a minute.

I have had to sit by idly and watch as they try and globalize my favorite sport (football), and I kept my mouth shut when a European socialist game like soccer kept climbing the leaderboard of favorite sports in the United States, but this has gone too far.

Adding a bidet to America's Pastime just doesn't sit right with me.

And speaking of not sitting right, have any of you actually used a bidet before?

I haven't, because I'm an American!

Apparently this was all Japanese infielder Munetaka Murakami's idea, which is weird because I always thought bidets were a French/Western European invention, but after a bit of research, I have found that many East Asian cultures use them as well.

It turns out I'm in the minority with my anti-bidet stance, as many of the fine folks on X were quick to defend the White Sox's decision to install the bidet in their quarters.

If you enjoy squirting water up your butt, then be my guest, but I am a proud American and I will stand in the paint and defend my take.

As I noted above, it will be interesting to see how this improves performance on the South Side.

If the White Sox start challenging for an AL Central title next season, I might have to tip my cap and give Murakami his props.

I won't be installing one in my house anytime soon, but to each their own, I suppose.

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Austin Perry is a writer for OutKick and a born and bred Florida Man. He loves his teams (Gators, Panthers, Dolphins, Marlins, Heat, in that order) but never misses an opportunity to self-deprecatingly dunk on any one of them. A self-proclaimed "boomer in a millennial's body," Perry writes about sports, pop-culture, and politics through the cynical lens of a man born 30 years too late. He loves 80's metal, The Sopranos, and is currently taking any and all chicken parm recs.