Touch 'Em All: Toilets Persuaded Roki Sasaki To Join LA, Phillie Phanatic Will Make His Boxing Debut, & More
I don’t know about you, but I am very picky about where I go to the bathroom.
(Just hang with me, I promise this relates to baseball).
Where you drop the Browns off at the Super Bowl is incredibly important, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only guy who thinks like this. Heck, in college, I had a running list of all the best places on campus to drop a deuce.
Apparently, I'm not the only one who prioritizes my bathroom experience.
Earlier this week, news broke that a rather unconventional reason prompted Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Roki Sasaki to sign with the team calling Chavez Ravine home. Team president and CEO Stan Kasten revealed that Japanese-style toilets were installed in the team’s new clubhouse, and that was huge for Sasaki.
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - APRIL 26: Roki Sasaki #11 of the Los Angeles Dodgers looks on during the third inning against the Pittsburgh Pirates at Dodger Stadium on April 26, 2025 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)
Are toilets a big factor when you pick your job? Do you want your own Japanese toilet? Let me know: john.simmons@outkick.com.
"During our first meeting with Roki, we were telling him about the project we had ongoing to upgrade our clubhouse and facilities," Kasten said. "I was telling him about all the amenities we were adding. ‘We’re going to have this and this and this.’ And he asked, ‘Are you going to have Japanese-style toilets?’"
Now you guys might be thinking, what the heck is so special about Japanese-style toilets? Aren’t they the same as any other toilet?
No, my friends, they are not.
OutKick’s Amber Harding pointed out that these are some of the bells and whistles that come courtesy of Japanese thrones:
- A built-in bidet
- Warm water cleaning
- Heated seats
- Automatic lids
- A remote control for customization
Evidently, Japanese toilets are not just popular with people overseas. Comedian Jim Gaffigan knows full well how incredible these toilets are.
"It sounds like a joke. But for me, it’s pretty important," Sasaki said through an interpreter.
Uh, I can see why! If I were looking to sign with a team, I’d want to know what kind of toilets I’d be using on a daily basis - and if they were that good, I’d want in.
Of course, Sasaki didn’t only sign because of the toilets, they are also a great team. I’m sure he would have passed on signing with the Chicago White Sox even if they offered to install one in his home.
But the toilets certainly did come in clutch.
The Phillie Phanatic Will Box Against Blooper On May 27th
I hope you have some money set aside for a heavyweight fight whose level of magnitude might never be replicated.
I’m not talking about anything from the world of UFC; this is something far bigger and unique.
For absolutely no reason whatsoever, the Phillie Phanatic will participate in a three-round boxing fight before a Phillies game on May 27th. His opponent? "Blooper," the mascot for the Atlanta Braves (Philadelphia will be playing Atlanta that evening).
Is this wild and completely out of the ordinary? Yes. Have I also looked up to see how far away I live from Philadelphia, as well as ticket prices for the game? Also, yes.
I have zero idea who’s going to emerge victorious after the three-round bout, because it’s so evenly matched. Both mascots are making their fighting debut, are about the same height and both have roughly the same reach.
Blooper has youth on his side, but the Philly Phanatic is a Hall of Famer in the waiting. Who gets the edge?
I’m going to have to say that this fight will go the distance, but that the excitement from the home crowd is going to push the Phantaic over the edge. Plus, he knows how to shine under bright lights.
(And he also won a fight, even if it was like 10 seconds long).
I’ve got the hometown star winning by split decision.
Come for the baseball, stay for the mascot boxing match.
Around The Horn - Quick-Hit Highlights And Oddities From The Week
What Is It With These Hilarious Baseball Obituaries?…
In last week's column, I wrote about how someone's obituary jokingly claimed the Pittsburgh Pirates' poor play contributed to the death of a life-long fan.
Apparently, the Chicago White Sox are guilty of the same thing.
Here's an obituary for John McDonald in The Chicago Tribune:
"John "Mac" McDonald, aged 77, of Glen Ellyn, passed away on Wednesday evening, April 23, at his home. He couldn’t face another White Sox season after last year’s record breaking meltdown."
I mean, wow. Two obituaries in the span of a week claiming a baseball team was at least an accessory to death? That's nuts.
Also, these families have a dark sense of humor - and I love it.
…And Hysterical Team Names?
Nobody has more marketing fun that minor league or college summer league teams. Think that's a stretch?
Allow me to introduce you to the Morehead City Marlins, a team that is in the Coastal Plain Leaguem, which is a summer league for college students. Except, starting on June 20th, that's not going to be their name.
For that weekend, they will call themselves the "Booty Divers" - the pirate kind, that is. They've got to keep it kid-friendly.
Bro, you want to talk about a successful marketing campaign.
They even have shirts you can buy. I might have to buy one…
Kevin Gausman Suffers A Horrible Sequence Of Events
The Blue Jays pitcher had a horrible third inning on Sunday against the New York Yankees. He surrendered six runs on five walks with two hits.
Yikes.
After getting pulled from the game, he barked his way to an ejection. As he was walking down the stairs, he slipped, fell, and disappeared onto the concrete.
That's an afternoon to forget in more ways than one.
Chandler Simpson Needed All Of Two Feet To Record Two Hits
Most guys try to jack the ball at least 400 feet to get on base. But Simpson got two base hits by barely hitting it past home base.
In two separate at-bats, Simpson swung, and the ball made contact with the ground a mere one foot from the batter's box. His speed allowed him to leg out two infield singles.
That's pretty sick.
Catch Of The Year?
Daulton Varsho somehow pulled off the impossible against the Boston Red Sox on Tuesday.
Jaren Duran smoked a ball to deep center field. Varsho got a decent read on it, but stumbled as the ball was coming back to Earth.
That would normally lead to a comical error. But Varsho somehow had the presence of mind to reach behind his back on one knee to complete the robbery.
Holy frick. That should be on every highlight reel for the next decade.
A Word About The Hospitalized Pirates Fan
On Wednesday, a fan tragically fell over the center field wall at PNC Park during the Pirates-Cubs game. He was stretchered off the field and rushed to a hospital, where he is in critical condition.
At the time, the identity of the fan was not known. But on Thursday, we learned who it was.
The unfortunate fan is Kavan Markwood, who, during high school, was part of the Southern Allegheny School District. According to District Workforce Development Coordinator Laura Thomson, he graduated in 2022 and was a "man of character" who was voted MVP of the South Alleghany High School football team.
The Pirates released a statement after the incident.
We at OutKick would like to offer prayers and support for Markwood and those close to him. We will update you if anything new develops.
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That's it for this week! Thanks for reading, and let me know what your thoughts are about this or anything else MLB-related at john.simmons@outkick.com.