There's A Sudden Surge In Turkeys Attacking People And It's Horrifying (And Hilarious)
No one ever suspects the turkeys...
I like to keep tabs on the animal kingdom, just to make sure that we as a species remain the top dogs… I mean, top humans.
Usually, I focus on apes because they seem to be the biggest threats. At least, that's what every Planet of the Apes movie ever has taught me.
But I've been overlooking one particular bird.
One that has a motive to attack, and, boy, is it ever doing exactly that.
We've got turkeys going rogue twice in the last week or so.
Let's go to the most recent instance, which occurred north of the border in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.
I'm sure it hasn't been too fun up there after losing the gold medal game over the weekend. Now, they've got to keep their heads on a swivel to steer clear of any turkeys looking to start a fight.
One man, lab technician Michael Bourgon, had the great misfortune of running into a marauding pair of turkeys.
It got so rough that Bourgon had to seek refuge in some stranger's car. Thankfully, turkeys have yet to figure out how to work a car door, but one did appear to peck at the finish.
Not cool.
While you might think this seems like a funny one-off incident, prepare to be proven wrong.
Earlier this month, some turkeys were seen harassing a UPS driver in Connecticut.
If the brave men and women in brown aren't safe, then who is?
Plus, they were having similar problems in Wisconsin.
I don't know what's going on. Maybe they finally caught wind of why stuffing is called "stuffing."
In fairness to turkeys, they've got enough reasons to turn on us people folk and start pecking at our shins.
I've seen some turkeys hanging around the entrance to my neighborhood in the past. I never thought anything of it, but in retrospect, it seems like they were eyeballing me a little bit and wandering around casing the joint.
Hopefully, tensions relax soon, because I'm concerned about what could happen to me the next time I throw a turkey breast on the smoker.