Wild Turkeys Wreak Havoc In Otherwise Peaceful Wisconsin City
Hide your kids, hide the mailmen, these wild turkeys are attacking everybody up in here!
Listen, I’ll be the first to say that turkey is awesome. Smoked turkey sandwiches, roasted turkey with stuffing, Wild Turkey. Okay, the last one might be a bottle of booze, but my very valid point still stands.
However, when we start talking about aggressive wild turkeys, that’s a whole different ballgame. And the people of Janesville, Wisconsin will confirm my claim, as they’ve been dealing with ongoing wild turkey attacks in their neighborhood.
Per WMTV 15 News, wild turkeys have been blocking traffic, going after children, and chasing postal workers.
One resident reportedly said, "At first, the turkeys were cool. They brought life to the neighborhood. As it’s developed, they’ve become a nuisance. They block traffic, they’ve caused accidents, they went after my mailman."
Wild turkey males in winter. (Via Getty Images)
Don’t poor postal workers deal with enough already? Harsh weather conditions, complaining customers, and, worst of all, crazed dogs. When pooches see the mailman, their eyes pop out of their heads so quickly you’d think they were dudes checking out the new Sydney Sweeney lingerie collection.
But I digress. Let’s focus on these nutty turkeys and how they’re wreaking absolute havoc on this otherwise peaceful city.
One reason why this is such a problem: when you encounter one of these things, you’re dealing with a big bird. And we don’t mean the 8-foot-tall anthropomorphic Jim Henson character. The same Janesville resident said that these turkeys are, and I quote, "As tall as my son."
Can you even imagine? You’ve got some large creature that’s loud, scary, and won’t stop following you around… and then there are the turkeys!
I’m kidding! Kids aren’t that bad, but these turkeys sure are.
People in a state like Wisconsin are already dealing with freezing temperatures this time of year, and now this madness. This is absolutely NOT what people around the rest of the country mean when they tell Wisconsin residents to go cold turkey!
If that one flew over your head, please Google drunkest state in the USA… You guessed it!
Anyway, let’s hope these turkeys get rounded up and placed elsewhere. The residents of this beautiful city have experienced enough fowl play! …I’ll show myself out.