Phillies Fuel Fan Gluttony With Groundbreaking — But Flawed — 9-9-9 Challenge Kit

Is there anything that makes you want to start chanting "USA!" more than the iconic 9-9-9 challenge?

It carries on the great American tradition of gluttonous challenges like going to a roadhouse and eating a steak the size of a toilet seat in hopes of earning a T-shirt that doesn't fit, but combines three of our nation's great loves: hot dogs, beer, and baseball.

The rules are simple. You eat nine dogs and drink nine beers in nine innings.

Better yet, there's no ill-fitting shirt at the end of this gastronomic voyage. No Polaroid photo on a wall of fame either.

Nope, just pride… and maybe if you're lucky, some degree of viral fame.

Well, for the MLB Playoffs, the Philadelphia Phillies have made it easy for fans to try the challenge.

With one order, they'll give you a "convenient" starter kit with nine glizzies and nine beers (Yuengling Lagers by the looks of it; hell yeah) to get your night started.

Now, I thought this was pretty cool. The one big problem I thought of was the potential for sloshing beer all over your hot dogs. 

This is until my pal and yours, OutKick writer Amber Harding, made me realize this thing really is more flawed than a surfboard made of papier-mâché.

That big box? Where is that supposed to sit for the duration of the evening when you set off on your quest to down nine dogs, nine beers, and thousands of calories? 

Uh… nowhere other than your lap.

Personally, that would drive me nuts, and I bet it would drive the people next to you nuts as your 9-9-9 challenge mission control encroaches on their seats.

Then, the idea of giving you all nine dogs and nine beers at once seems convenient, but this is sub-optimal for maintaining ideal eating and drinking temperatures.

You're going to get the beers cooling down the dogs and the dogs warming up the beers until by the sixth or seventh inning everything is the same temperature, which is no bueno.

During our very important discussion about this invention, Amber came up with the solution: a punch card.

You pay in advance, and just go back each inning for another dog and beer, then they punch your ticket. Maybe they could even have an express lane for the brave men and women in the midst of the challenge, so they don't spend most of their night waiting in lines.

This is a great invention, and I have faith that the Phillies will refine it.

I mean, the penny-farthing bicycle was a good invention, but flawed as hell until someone came along and said, "Hey, what if both wheels were the same size?"

Perhaps the Citizens Bank Park concession stand scientists will hone this puppy over the offseason.