NASCAR Stars Trash Terrible Racing, Emotions Boil Over At Phoenix & Adult Content Racer Goes Cowgirl
Look, they're not all gonna be winners, right? The NASCAR season has like a billion races and weeks in it, so to expect every single one to be a home run is a little unfair.
Every once in a while, you're gonna see a single. Maybe a double down off the wall if you're lucky. You'll most definitely get some punchouts (looking at you, New Hampshire).
Phoenix wasn't that, but it also wasn't NASCAR's best. It was fine. The restarts were cool, as they tend to be around there.
But nobody at the water cooler is talking about how great Christopher Bell's win was yesterday. And that's OK. Like I said, you're gonna rip a single between the 5-6 hole every once in a while and that's OK.
Can you tell I'm ready for baseball season?
While there wasn't a ton of racing drama yesterday, we did have a bunch of crashes. And when they crash, they bitch, moan, and point fingers.
And, buddy – we have some angry automobile drivers today. AND we're going to Bristol this week, which is always a good place to blow off some steam. Win-win!
I reckon we'll also check in on the NASCAR WAGs today, too. Natalie Decker had a big week, and we don't let big weeks go unnoticed around here.
Four tires, enough fuel to get us out of the desert, and maybe a couple beers for a couple pissed off drivers … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘It’s A Line Drive In The Book' edition – is LIVE!
Let's just start with Joey Logano and work our way down
Like I said – everyone not named Christopher Bell left Phoenix pissed. After reviewing the film, I think Joey Logano deserves the top spot, though.
For starters, does anyone realize what an absolutely miserable start to the year it's been for Joey? He's obviously going to win multiple races this year, so it's not like points really matter for him, but … sheesh:
32
28
9
34
Those are Joey's first four finishes this year, with a couple DNFs mixed in. I mean, good God.
He was never going to win yesterday, either, because his car stunk. And when your car is trash, you usually ride in the back with a couple scrubs.
And when that happens, you usually get wrecked:
Come on down, Erik Jones!
Just a sad Joey Logano. He's not even that angry. Just defeated.
When you run like ass all day and then get punted to the moon by someone who's led one more lap in his career than I have, you're gonna just want to take your ball and go home.
It's OK, Joey. You'll get 'em back this week!
Next up on our Very Nasty NASCAR Driver! list? Come on down, Erik Jones and Chase Briscoe:
Everyone loves this new NASCAR car!
Just kidding. Obviously.
Seems like everyone showed up to Phoenix hoping things would be different given that NASCAR made some adjustments on the next gen car for this specific track, and everyone left … disappointed.
Bottom line? While NASCAR will sit there and spit out general facts – like, ‘yesterday’s race at Phoenix had the most green flag passes since moving to the Next Gen car!' – anyone with functioning eyes ain't buying that crap.
Like I said, the restarts were fun, but that's partly because it was so hard to actually pass anyone after about three laps of green flag racing. So you had to push the envelope when you were all bunched up.
Anyway, it's fine. I'm not here to sh*t on NASCAR today. It's hard to put on 36 good races. Frankly, it's impossible. But let's just say the consensus during yesterday's race wasn't exactly glowing:
If they hate Phoenix, maybe they'll love … Dodger Stadium?
How about little Derek Kraus – who? – coming in HOT with a blistering takedown of this piece of crap Next Gen car? Love it. He's right, by the way. What the hell is the point of catching someone if you can't actually pass them?
The good news is, when that happens at Bristol, people just tend to punt folks out of the way instead of riding caboose all day. Hopefully we get more of that this week.
Before we head back east, though, let's quickly put a bullet-proof vest on and head to Southern California, where NASCAR is apparently mulling the idea of a race at Dodger Stadium!
Let's cool down with the NASCAR WAGs and get back on track for a big week
I wrote about it last week, so for those looking to start your week with a NASCAR history lesson, click here!
For a little tease (hey, that's my college nickname!) …
Way back in the day – I'm talking the black and white picture days – there were automobile races held at Nashville's Sulphur Dell Ballpark – one of the oldest parks in the country that was converted to a track in 1965.
You also had McCormick Field Raceway – the home of the Ashfield Tourists, built in the 1920s.
NASCAR held three races there back in the 1950s until it was renovated in 1959.
Frankly, I think NASCAR going back to one of those two ballparks instead of insufferable Los Angeles would be the better of the options, but they're obsessed with California, so I reckon I'm beating a dead horse at this point.
Oh well. Just make it easier to pass, OK? Can you at least get that right?
OK, no more complaining. We're going start the week right with Natalie Decker, Sam Busch, Hooters Gianna and Katelyn Larson (you'll see) and leave the negativity in Phoenix.
See you at Bristol.