NASCAR Fans Out For Blood After Stunning Finish, Team Stripped Of Win During Interview & Hooters Beach Day
Well now … that, boys and girls, was a NASCAR race. Whew.
You know who couldn't do that? The Europeans. Show THAT to an F1 truther and then tell me that dainty little auto league is better than what we have here in America.
Cute Miami race, fellas. Adorable. If you want real racing, head to Kansas. They may have all the woke little celebs and Donald Trump and the hot Miami girls walking around the track like they give a crap in Miami, but us NASCAR folks have some actual racing to do.
And we also have hot girls! Who has it better than us? Trick question. Nobody, of course.
Let's dive the hell in before the folks in the rules tower give us an unwanted paint job (hey now!).
Kyle Larson broke Chris Buescher's heart with the closest margin of victory in NASCAR history – a record that dates all the way back to … February. Good run, Atlanta!
We'll look at the finish, listen to the reactions, and check our handy-dandy rulebook to see just how NASCAR calls these races at the end. Some, you know, ain't convinced today that Kyle Larson won.
Hell, Chris Buescher watched a replay last night that clearly showed he did, and then said "I don't see it."
I mean, come on. That's funny.
Deny, deny, deny! That's the American way, baby. Take that, F1!
What else? Angry Ryan Blaney is back, angry Bubba Wallace is back, and Jimmie Johnson nearly got murdered by Corey LaJoie. We also had Natalie Decker in Miami slugging down Red Bulls, and NASCAR WAGs hitting the pool. Oh yeah! Hooters Gianna is ready for summer. Shocker.
Four tires, some Sunoco racing fuel, and maybe a vacation for ‘ol Chris Buescher … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ’Paint Job Tease!' editing – is LIVE!
This radio call of Chris Buescher losing is a tough listen
There are a million places we could start this morning, but I can't get enough of the radio call of yesterday's finish.
Wanna go inside the No. 17 pit box while they experience the highest of highs, only to then immediately get it all ripped away from them in about 10 seconds? MRN has you covered!
Now, it's sad. But, it's also sort of funny. Poor Kim Coon. Poor MRN. But also, this is the #content we're here for on a Monday morning after the closest finish in NASCAR history.
I mean … they started interviewing Scott Graves – Chris Buescher's crew chief – as he found out NASCAR actually reversed the call and declared Kyle Larson the winner!
Piss off, Scott! Loser. Hey, before we leave, can you point us in the direction of the No. 5 pit stall? Just curious. No reason. Thanks! Have a great flight home.
Tough assignment for Kim Coon here, but also, she's a pro and was built for moments like that:
Did NASCAR cross a line?
Where the hell are you getting MRN's radio call followed by Kim Coon today on the NASCAR internet? I mean, don't bother looking, I can answer for you: nowhere. It's just not possible.
We zig when they all zag. It's why we win awards, you know. That being said … it's time to get down to business.
Did NASCAR get it wrong? Did Kyle Larson only win because his section of start/finish line paint was slightly thicker than Chris Buescher's section?
Oh? You haven't heard? It's all anyone can talk about after the closest finish in NASCAR history – the paint.
The paint!
"I … I … I still can't see it, but …"
I respect the hell out of that from Chris Buescher, by the way. Arguing about something that's literally right in front of you, on video, is pure patriotism. It's what this country thrives on. God bless the US of A.
Now, about PaintGate …. Guys, if you think NASCAR is judging wins and losses in 2024 with a painted line, we've gotta have a serious conversation.
Of course they're not! That line means nothing, frankly, in the grand scheme of things. It's more ceremonial than anything. It's pretty much there for our benefit (the fans) and to give the drivers a point to race to, otherwise they'd just drive for days with no stopping.
And then, you get F1!
NASCAR uses lasers to determine the winners in a close finish like that. They're set up at every start/finish line across the country. That's why the scoring pylon said one thing after the finish, and then switched when the data and the images came in.
Images like … this!
Angry Ryan Blaney, Angry Jimmie Johnson, and angry Bubba Wallace!
God. What a throwback! Remember when that lunatic stuck an index card down there and said "first down" like it was just a normal thing? Wild.
Anyway, NASCAR did NOT do that last night at Kansas. Rest easy.
Still not convinced? Or just want to tell me how dumb (smart?) I am? Zach.Dean@OutKick.com. Let me have it.
OK, we've heard from Chris and his sad crew chief, time to hear from some other folks after Kansas.
Rhino! Good, fun, clean day at the track?
Alrighty then! Good to hear from you, Ryan! That'll be a fun debrief later this summer when the Blaney & Elliott Clans head off to vacation.
Speaking of the Blaney Clan – might as well take a quick detour with Gianna while we're here. It is almost #BeachSZN after all:
Three weeks till Memorial Day, fellas. The time to prepare is now. Hooters Gianna is ready. Are you?
Next? Pretty up and down day for Bubba Wallace, who I thought may really piss a lot of folks off and win this race.
He finished 17th and didn't lead a lap, somehow made it back to the top-10 after an early wreck, and lobbed a couple motherf--kers at the fellas back at the shop along the way.
Get it down, stat!
Finally, Jimmie Johnson decided for some reason to race yesterday and was nearly killed by Corey LaJoie, which would've really put a damper on the best finish in NASCAR history:
Natalie Decker takes us to Darlington
Jimmie Johnson in the six races he's run since taking over Legacy Motor Club: 31, 38, 37, 28, 29, 28, 38.
Has anyone ever been removed from the Hall of Fame? Just asking. Relax. It's a joke.
Sort of.
On to Darlington. Take us up I-95, Nat. And hey! On the way, maybe stop in and teach Matt DiBenedetto's wife, Taylor, how to properly execute a dive.
Don't know how the two are related, but we're running low on fuel today and time is ticking. So, figure it out on your own time!
See you next week.