Colorado Buffaloes Debuting Latest Mascot, Ralphie VII

There's a big debut coming our way Saturday evening out in Boulder when the Buffaloes host Wyoming. A key piece of the program will hit the field but won't catch a pass, take a handoff, or even block, though its formidable size would be a big help on the offensive line.

I am, of course, talking about the program's new live mascot, Ralphie VII.

The one-year-old has some big hooves to fill as it's the latest in a long line of bison that run out onto the field before kickoff to raucous cheers from fans and stoned-out-of-their-gourds students alike.

"We’re excited to be adding a new Ralphie to the lineage of incredible buffalo that have represented the University of Colorado and have elevated the fans’ passion for our student-athletes," Taylor Stratton, director of the Ralphie Live Mascot Program, said, per the Associated Press.

Ralphie VII got the gig after her predecessor, Ralphie VI, decided she wasn't into running anymore, which is one of my favorite news stories of the year. I didn't realize that was even a thing that could happen.

Ralphie VI retired last month after deciding she was over the whole running thing. (Photo by Andrew Wevers/Getty Images)

I mean, this may come as a shock, but I'm not a buffalo expert. Still, it was my impression that they had two settings: graze and run. 

Occasionally, they'll gore an idiot tourist at Yellowstone, but I think that also counts as running.

So eating, running, and the occasional goring are all buffaloes do, and yet Ralphie VI was all like, "Meh," so they let her retire early to a ranch with her predecessor, Ralphie V.

By the way, next time PETA starts whining about live mascots, tell them the tale of Ralphie VI. She didn't want to run, so instead of forcing her, they sent her off to a buffalo resort.

What monsters.

Best of luck to Ralphine VII in her debut and all of those folks who have to run with her. That's no small feat. People forget that buffalo have some sneaky speed.

At least the ones willing to run do.