How To Cope Without College Football, According To ChatGPT

Well, college football fanatics, the day has finally arrived.

Aside from the Army-Navy Game (which you should totally watch because we support the troops around these parts), this is the first Saturday since mid-August that we haven't had wall-to-wall college football action.

It can be a trying time for anyone who loves the sport, and it's hitting me particularly hard today, since this is my first season being both a fan and a sports writer.

So to cope, I turned to my old pal ChatGPT, and asked for ways to survive a Saturday without CFB.

The results were mixed, but I figured I'd share them with you anyway, in the hopes of helping out my fellow college fanatics.

1. Rewatch A Game That You Know Won’t Hurt You

You don’t need suspense. You need emotional stability. Let the game play in the background while you pretend it’s still football season.

This is actually a great idea and one I do frequently over the summer to help get me through those last few weeks before football returns.

Remember that game against your rivals when your star quarterback threw for 400 yards and eviscerated the defense? You could probably find that game completely condensed and free of commercials for your viewing pleasure.

You can almost feel the nostalgia from the last time you were relevant beaming off your TV screen.

2. Replace The Ritual, Not The Sport

For most fans, college football isn’t just about the games — it’s about the routine.

Another great suggestion from our friend the AI overlord. Sometimes college football Saturdays are as much about the routine as they are about the actual games.

If you have a bar you frequent to watch the games, just head on down there and order some wings and a beer like nothing has changed.

People might think you're a little strange for wearing your team's jersey and facepaint on a non-game-day, but they can piss off!

We are coping, dammit!

3. Doomscroll College Football Twitter

You’re going to scroll anyway, so you might as well accept it. Read recruiting rumors. Argue about way-too-early rankings. Get mad about something from three months ago.

True college football fans know the season doesn't end when the games are over.

Unless you're a filthy casual, the football calendar is 365 days, so scrolling X to read about the five-star wide receiver you almost had until Texas came in at the last minute and offered him an oil field will get you just as mad and stressed as a typical loss would.

It's a great way to get the bloodpressure to game-day levels without any games on the docket, so give a try today when you start to feel the cold sweats set in.

4. Watch Literally Any Other Sport — And Pretend You Care

None of it will replace college football, but it’ll give your brain something to latch onto for a few hours.

This is a good point. There are other games on today besides college football.

Sure, they aren't as good as Ohio State-Michigan or USC-Notre Dame, but they will have to do.

You can choose from the NHL, college basketball, or even the NBA!

Who am I kidding, nobody watches the NBA!

5. Plan For Next Season Like A Sicko

This is when true fans turn coping into preparation.

When I said the season was 365 days long, I meant it.

It's never too early to start looking forward to next season. Hell, I've made full-on roster projection spreadsheets in September after a crippling loss where my season was tanked (thanks, Billy Napier).

And hey, the SEC just released their schedules for next season, so if you are a fan of a team from the South, start looking at projected wins and losses now.

6. Admit That This Weekend Just Kind Of Sucks

For now, survive the day, eat something unhealthy, and remember: we’ll all be back here arguing about rankings soon enough.

This is pretty morbid, but if you've reached the "acceptance" point of the Kubler-Ross model of the stages of grief, this is probably your mantra.

We still have the Playoff to look forward to, but the regular season is a thing of the past, and it might be time to accept that soon, college football will be on the shelf until August.

If you're ever feeling down, just remember these steps and maybe, just maybe, you can make it through the offseason with your psyche intact.

Try to enjoy your Saturday, college football fanatics. I'll see you on the other side.