At Long Last: Pop-Tarts Is Finally Sponsoring A College Football Bowl Game, Replacing The Cheez-It Bowl
With all the crazy and eclectic college bowl sponsors out there (I'm looking at you, Duke's Mayo Bowl) how has Pop-Tarts not gotten in on the action? Well, if you're like me and that question previously kept you up at night, I have great news!
The Cheez-It Bowl is now officially the Pop-Tarts Bowl.
Hallelujah! It remains to be seen if Pop-Tarts will offer players a customized suite prior to the game like Cheez-It did.
If they don't, I may retract all the nice things I have to say about those delicious foil-wrapped pastries.
During our daily staff editorial call, someone had the audacity to ask if anyone "still eats Pop-Tarts anymore."
Thankfully, the always level-headed Glenn Guilbeau replied, "I had two this morning."
The next question posed to Guilbeau: "Toasted or not toasted?"
Guilbeau: "That's a personal question I do not feel comfortable answering publicly."
That does raise one of the great debates of our time: should you actually toast the toaster pastry?
My response: it depends. Flavor is everything in the Pop-Tart world. For example, Cinnamon Brown Sugar is the most overrated flavor ever made and I refuse to consume them.
Though, in the very rare scenario where that's the only option, you must toast Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts. And, a little tip: melt some butter on top. That's the only way to make them palatable.
You're welcome.
Yes, I'm using the Pop-Tarts Bowl as an excuse to deliver my strong opinions about Pop-Tarts
Back to the toasting debate. For me, I'm not toasting fruit Pop-Tarts. And, cherry is the best fruit Pop-Tart. Blueberry is the worst. Don't @ me.
Toasted Pop-Tarts is the realm of the chocolate flavors. S'mores, arguably the best Pop-Tarts of all time, deserves to be toasted. Duh.
Two of the three greatest Pop-Tarts ever made. Sorry, strawberry, you're not even in the same league as cherry and s'mores. (Photo: Robyn Beck/AFP via Getty Images)
I also don't hate putting some Pop-Tarts in the FREEZER. Man, thinking about it now ... how freaking versatile are those things??
You can eat them at room temperature, heated or frozen. My goodness what a product.
OK, I know you want the definitive ranking. Important note: unfrosted Pop-Tarts are automatically disqualified. Those are an abomination.
Here's my list:
That's it. That's the list.
Miss me with strawberry, the aforementioned brown sugar, or any of the crazy flavors (I'm looking at you, Apple Jacks).
I'm a simple man who enjoys simple things. Give me a pack of s'mores for the chocolate cravings and a box of cherry when I want something fruity. And I'll take chocolate fudge in a pinch.
Oh, right, the college football bowl game. That's what I was writing about.
Who am I kidding? It's going to be a third-rate bowl game between some 7-5 ACC school and some 7-5 Big 12 school.
I'd rather talk about Pop-Tarts.
And when that game comes around, and the editors ask me to preview it... you better believe there's going to be more Pop-Tarts talk than football talk.