Videos by OutKick
You are looking live from the Gasparilla Bowl…the Granddaddy of them all…oh wait, that’s the Duke’s Mayo Bowl, or is it the Cheez-It Bowl? The Rose Bowl? Really? Damn. With college football expanding to 44 Bowl Games and inviting any team with a pulse and a negative PCR test to play, finding enough names and sponsors was bound to be a challenge. But few could’ve predicted that Bowl season would resemble a Key & Peele Sketch.
But that’s where we are. Rather than send memes from The Office, we’re sending friends in a need of a laugh screenshoots of the Guaranteed Rate Bowl, Camellia Bowl, Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, LendingTree Bowl, Myrtle Beach Bowl (I see you Kenny Powers!), and so many others.
MAYO BATH FOR SHANE BEAMER pic.twitter.com/eNke5Ih093
— FOX College Football (@CFBONFOX) December 30, 2021
Around the holidays, a lot of fathers and sons sip whiskey neat while discussing the benefits of parallel parking and splurging on the expensive toilet paper. But because it’s generally frowned upon to slam firewater before 3:00 pm on a weekday, my dad and I settled on a couple of Big Gulps and our favorite pastime: complaining about the women in our lives (except for my mom of course. she’s an angel.) As we slurped on .89 Coke Zero we couldn’t help but notice South Carolina coach Shane Beamer take a celebratory mayo bath.
That was all the inspiration we needed to brainstorm a few names for any future Bowl games seeking a title.
Without further, here’s your first look at the 2022 Bowl slate, courtesy of New York’s Comedy Cellar…maybe.
- Viagra Bowl – Selection committee always has a hard time with this one.
- Ford Bronco Bowl – Promises to be a killer game.
- Recreational Pot Bowl – Cause it’s Friday, you ain’t got no job, and you ain’t got shit to do.
- Pronoun Bowl – Players switch sides every quarter.
- Democratic Bowl – Entire game is played only on the left side of the field.
- Curb Your Enthusiasm Bowl – Only requirement is that the game feature two pretty, pretty, pretty good teams.
- Woke Bowl – Honorary captains Keith Olbermann and Jemele Hill determine the winner based on which team experienced more social injustice. Fans are required to kneel throughout the game.
- Johnny Drama Viking Quest Bowl – Winning teams must drop to their knees and yell “Victory!” once the clock strikes zero.
- Kardashian Bowl – No trophies in this one. Winning team goes home with ass implants and a baby.
- Kevin Durant Bowl – Players on the losing team must immediately transfer to the winning program.
- AVN Awards Bowl – Annually features two teams that suck.
Now go order us a couple whiskeys while I parallel park the car.
Follow along on Twitter: @OhioAF