Videos by OutKick
Y’all know what day it is? Yes, it’s Tuesday. But more importantly, it’s three days before my vacation.
On Friday, I leave to spend two weeks in the Free State of Florida. And if I’m being honest, I’ve already checked out.
But I still have so much to do before I leave. I have to get my nails done, take the dog to the vet, pack, clean the house, get a spray tan, finish up some last minute errands, finalize our reservations, pause the mail…
I wonder what it’s like to be a man before a long trip. No beauty routine, no shopping, no worries. Just vibes.
In all seriousness, though, there are two types of people on vacation: planners and along-for-the-riders. And they’re usually married to each other.
I’m the planner in every trip I go on — whether it be with my husband, with friends or with the whole damn family. Everyone just waits for me to find and book the Air BnB, figure out where we’re eating, make all the reservations and just tell them where to be and when.
And I’m honestly torn about it. Because while I’d love to experience just going “along for the ride” one day, I truly don’t trust anyone else to do it right.
I was also the kid in school who voluntarily did all the work in the group project while simultaneously complaining about no one else doing the work in the group project.
But I digress. Since I’m in full vacation mode, so shall Nightcaps be. We’re talking beach cocktails, bikinis, Instagram photo shoots and airplanes.
So sign out of work for the day (or two weeks, whatever) and grab yourself a fruity little umbrella drink.
But head on a swivel — I heard the libs are coming for your ice cubes.
Man Dies After Trying Every Cocktail on the Menu
Vacation should be a carefree time to unwind and forget about the woes of your daily life. Throw caution to the wind! Live a little!
There are, however, a few things you should not do.
One of those things is sticking your fingers in the water in the Florida Everglades.
And another one of those things is drinking yourself to death — literally.
A UK man named Timothy Southern died in Jamaica after attempting to drink all 21 cocktails on a bar’s menu.
The 53-year-old’s official cause of death was “acute gastroenteritis due to alcohol consumption.” The unofficial cause was he partied to death.
According to ITV News, Timothy made it through 12 cocktails at the pool bar before retiring to his room at the Royal Decameron Club Caribbean in Saint Ann. He had reportedly been drinking brandy and beer earlier in the day when two women from Canada convinced him to try the 21-cocktail challenge with them.
So you know what I’m going to say about that.
Now, I’m not trying to make light of a dude’s death. But we have to be smarter than this.
I enjoy a rum-soaked beach holiday as much as the next guy (or girl). But 21-cocktail challenge is just a terrible idea.
Especially when the drinks are just sugar bombs with names like “Jamaica Jump Up,” “Frozen Twister” and “Rock My Boat.”
So I will share with you my tried and true method for all-day beach drinking without ending up in jail or in a coma. Trust me, I have it down to a science.
I always go for a brisk walk or a light jog as soon as I wake up. I know, I know — not everyone wants to exercise on vacation. But not only does it burn calories, it also helps you shake off any fog or hangover you might have from the previous beach day.
Before I head to the beach, I make a vodka soda (or rum or tequila… pick your poison) in a 32-ounce Yeti. I’ll, of course, refill as needed throughout the day, but the (non-sugared) soda water is key here. That way you keep a steady buzz but you also stay hydrated.
So when all the beer guzzlers have to nap in the middle of the day because they feel fat, sluggish and tired, your girl is still ready to party!
We do not waste any vacation daylight around here. #TeamNoNaps.
Anyway, come dinner time, you can switch to wine or beer or whatever floats your pool noodle.
But — and I cannot stress this enough — please do not attempt to drink 21 strawberry mango pineapple upside down daiquiris in one sitting.
Italians are sick of tourists in bikinis.
One of the best things about vacation is not having to wear real clothes. Bikinis, board shorts and baseball caps as far as the eye can see.
Unless, that is, you’re visiting the Amalfi Coast in Italy.
Apparently the locals are getting really tired of tourists and Instagram influencers wandering around half naked.
That’s according to an Australian TikToker named Marti.
“I don’t know what it is about Italians but they do not want tourists going around in their bikini around the little towns near the beaches,” Marti said.
Not only is wearing your bikini in public frowned upon, but they can actually fine you around $500 for not donning proper attire while sightseeing in Sorrento.
“If you’re planning on going to the beach, bring an extra T-shirt with you so you can cover up, and the old Italian ladies and men will be happy,” she said.
I actually was with Marti on this one. I, too, prefer just to wear my bikini when I’m walking to and from the beach. As the wise, famed philosopher Kenny Chesney once said, “No shoes, no shirt, no problem.”
But then she said this: “If you’re visiting a church or anything religiously historical, chances are some places will tell you to cover up before you go in.”
Well DUH. Here I thought she was just talking about grabbing a snack at the store, but this girl is complaining about not being allowed to attend Mass in a thong swimsuit.
Babe, we are pro-bikini around here, but there is no underboob in the house of the Lord.
Turns out, it’s not just Sorrento. Apparently, several tourist-heavy Italian cities have similar decorum laws, including Barcelona, Mallorca, Lipari, Tropea and Venice.
Guess we won’t be seeing naked Pride parades there anytime soon.
Patrick Mahomes is an ‘Instagram Husband.’
Brittany Mahomes is soaking up the sun (and the attention) in Hawaii this week.
Oh, and her Super Bowl MVP husband is there, too. As her photographer.
Britt posted a bikini photo from the trip on Saturday along with a candid photo of Patrick taking the photo. (Did you get all that?)
“10/10 Husband,” she captioned it
I know we all love an opportunity to make fun of the Mahomes family, but this is actually pretty cool.
Hear me out.
Men, most of you are just not very good at taking photos of your significant other. Maybe it’s lack of effort. Maybe it’s lack of give-a-damn. I don’t know.
But it’s a social media trend I see all the time from women: Here are all the amazing photos I take of my boyfriend, and here are the blurry, out of focus, unflattering photos he takes of me.
So here’s your unsolicited dating/marriage advice of the day: Shift your mindset, fellas.
Instead of thinking, I don’t want to take this stupid Instagram photo, think I’m going to take the time to make my wife feel beautiful.
But it’s more than just making your wife look hot. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard wives and mothers express frustration that they never get to be in the photos. And that’s because they’re always the ones taking the photos.
So they end up with all these beautiful memories of their husband and children on vacation together and maybe just one or two quick selfies of themselves.
Take the damn picture and don’t groan about it. Out of all the ways to make your lady happy, this is one of the easiest.
But if you’re wondering how NOT to make her happy…
Guy Proposes Outside Airplane Toilet
This is a mile high club no one wants to join.
A man took his girlfriend on a vacation to Cancun. And instead of waiting to propose during a romantic moment with a picturesque ocean backdrop, this fool dropped to one knee right next to the airplane toilet.
He really could not wait until they got there? And trust me: The commenters let him know.
“Imagine taking a dump to come out and everyone recording,” one person replied.
“Amazing, popped a number 2 then said I do. Congrats,” said another.
“Dropping one big rock to picking up another lol CONGRATULATIONS.”
“Imagine taking a dookie and walking out to hella ppl recording you.”
“This is lovely for them…but please don’t propose to me after I just flushed an airport toilet.”
I would be so embarrassed.
And it’s not just the timing that’s bad. Unlike this beautiful woman, I normally look like an absolute goblin when I get on a plane. Sweatpants, hair in a knot, no makeup, indents on my face from being passed out against my neck pillow. Not exactly congratulatory photo ready.
But this is why we leave the vacation planning to the wives.
Winner of the Worst Tattoo Ever
Last week, I asked y’all to send me a picture of the worst tattoo you’ve ever seen. And while there were plenty of strong contenders, there can be only one winner.
And that honor goes to my guy Doob. A friend of mine came across this masterpiece while scrolling Tinder, and — well — it really needs no explanation.
I took the liberty of hiding Doob’s face in case he has any shred of shame at all.
When Jimmy Buffett sang about his new tattoo — “a real beauty, a Mexican cutie” — I don’t think this is what he was talking about.
I hope Doob’s not planning a trip to Sorrento anytime soon. Those conservative Italians would really lose their minds.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.