Miami Area Beach Is Full Of Feces So Health Department Says Stay Away In Very Obvious Statement

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That’s a huge load!

Miami beachgoers are being urged not to swim in the ocean, due to the unsafe presence of feces.

According to the Florida Health Department, enterococci bacteria was discovered in water samples earlier this week in Crandon Park, which is connected to mainland Miami. The bacteria was found at such high levels that both the Health Department and Miami-Dade County officials issued a press release telling beachgoers to stay out of the water.

It’s like Jaws… but instead of staying clear of a giant shark, people need to stay away from… yeah.

Or better yet, it’s like Caddyshack but instead of just one doodie, there’s doodies everywhere.

The announcement is just the latest water issue that seems to be plaguing the Florida coastline.

In recent weeks, the Atlantic Ocean has brought not only a toxic algae known as ‘red tide,’ but also a MASSIVE patch of seaweed, nearly twice as wide as the entire United States big.

Florida is dealing with a massive amount of seaweed along its shores. (Photo by Leila MACOR / AFP) (Photo by LEILA MACOR/AFP via Getty Images)

Health officials warn that swimmers may become sick due to the harmful bacteria.

They didn’t give a direct reason for the literal crap in the local ocean water.

I’m no marine biologist, but I may have come up with the answer.

Hundreds of thousands of spring breakers descended upon Miami Beach in recent weeks to black out and party for spring break. Clearly this is Gen Z forgetting how to properly wipe.

Written by Mike Gunzelman

Mike “Gunz” Gunzelman has been involved in the sports and media industry for over a decade. He’s also a risk taker - the first time he ever had sushi was from a Duane Reade in Penn Station in NYC.

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