The McRib is the locust of the fast food world. It emerges from its slumber on a semi-regular basis and makes a strange subculture very excited.
However, that cycle may be coming to a close.
The fast food giant announced that the fan-favorite rib sandwich that comes in a shape not found in nature would be making its final curtain call.
It’s the McRib Farewell Tour, folks.
Poor out a perfectly-ratioed cup of Coke in its memory.
Alright, now that we got the niceties out of the way, enough with farewell tours.
The Farewell Tour has been one of the most diabolical marketing tools in recent memory, and it keeps working because we all take the bait time and time again.
We see it in the world of rock music. Take KISS for instance. They’re currently in like year four of their fifth or sixth farewell tour and people keep falling for it. They can’t wait to shell out their hard-earned simoleons for the chance to pay their respects to Paul, Gene, and those guys dressed up like Ace and Peter.
Motley Crue made a big production over how they were serious about their farewell tour. Then people liked The Dirt movie and they changed their tune (Vince Neil’s tune always changes because he can’t carry one anymore).
Even athletes are pulling fake farewell tours. All of Hollywood showed up to be seen in the stands at Serena Williams’ “Final Match” and before she even walked off the court she was already saying, “I think I’ve got some more tennis in me; see you all next year!”
Tom Brady did it too, and Brett Favre before him.
Now we have sandwiches stealing pages out of this playbook.
The McRib Will Return Despite its ‘Farewell Tour’
You know how I know this is — as the British would say — a load of bollocks?
Because there’s no reason the McRib needs to ride off into the sunset. It’s not like the animal they make it out of was hunted to extinction or sesame seed prices got so out of hand that manufacturing the buns was no longer sustainable.
There’s no reason!
McDonald’s just wants our money. In fairness, they’re good at getting it. Whether it’s happy meals for adults with toys that resell for thousands or a promotional sauce from the late 90s that Rick & Morty fans would kill each other for a taste of, they know how to whip people into a frenzy.
This time don’t let them fool you. The McRib will live on.
And if I’m wrong, and it is truly gone for good, it will still live on in our hearts…
…in the form of aorta-clogging plaque.
Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle