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I’m kinda in a hurry this morning because the baseball gods were scheduling geniuses

It’s going to be 90 or higher today my 8-year-old is sitting here with an 8:30 a.m. first pitch. Thank you scheduling gods. My wife and I get to miss the scalding ballpark heat and then have a full Saturday to do Saturday things like jumping in the pool, laughing at the guys who are mowing on a Saturday and we might even get really crazy and throw the kids in the van and go on a rock run. Do you guys know what that means? That’s right, my wife will fall in love with a rock that I have to muscle into the van, but it’s our 11th anniversary and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate than by going on a rock store date — with the kids.

And then it’s out to dinner to celebrate our anniversary. I’ve been doing some research on what modern couples talk about during their anniversary dinners. Some woman named Myrelle Oliver came up with 50 questions to use during said dinners. Here are a few:

  1. How do you feel about our marriage? Scale it from 1-10.
  2. What accomplishment were you most proud of recently?
  3. Are you happy?
  4. What is the biggest strain in our relationship?
  5. Is there anything I can change?
  6. What feature do you think I like most about you?
  7. Is there anything I own that doesn’t bring you joy or that I should get rid of?
  8. Are you satisfied with the quality of our marriage?

Now, I’m definitely not some marriage expert, but it feels like Myrelle’s trying to cause marriages to end before the waiter brings out the main course. Have any of you guys asked or had your wife ask, “What is the biggest strain in our relationship?” while you were at an anniversary dinner? I feel like this is the type of question that is better suited for a Saturday afternoon after ONE margarita.

Here’s a great anniversary dinner question that I will be presenting later tonight: What is one thing you’d change about or add to our home? She’s going to say something about updating the master bathroom and then ask me the same question. You’re damn right I’m telling her it’s time to add  Golden Tee 2021 to our basement. She shouldn’t see a problem with investing $4,000 into my sanity. And she loves video games so we can have date nights on one of the beautiful GT2021 courses. I can’t think of anything better than crushing drives, watching college football, and telling the kids to do whatever they want as long as we don’t have to take them to the emergency room.

We’ll see how this goes later tonight. I’ll report back Monday morning. Have a great weekend and soak up that first weekend in June.

Andy writes: 

Mr. Kinsey,

Congrats of penning another must read: Instagram Model Goes From Faking.. Blah, blah blah

Good stuff. Once again, much like Google or Youtube, you have found a way of hijacking my consciousness. Keep it up. We need voices like yours now more than ever.

Brandon C. in Hamburg, MI writes:

Love the column… reading the article this week and got to the entry about the guy from Florida talking about mulching… made me remember about John Beilein’s annual “Mulch Madness” event he’d have at his house where players and managers would come over and help him mulch the yard. He usually posts pictures of it on his twitter account (he did this year). Sounds to me like the first celebrity commissioner of the TNML! 

• And finally this morning, here’s an interesting Google doc that was sent to me by some car insurance site. It’s movie car chase scenes ranked. No. 1 — the chase scene in Batman: The Dark Knight Rises — is very strong, but I’m not a movie guy like most of you. Argue amongst yourselves on this one.

• Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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