ESPN’s Dan Orlovsky Gets Crushed For Towel Take, But He’s Not The Gross One

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ESPN analyst Dan Orlovsky is under fire this morning for saying he uses the same towel 30 times before washing it, and I’m here to do something none of you simpletons have the balls to do …

I’m here to defend the same guy who once ran out of his own end zone.

I’m here to agree with Dan Orlovsky.

He’s right, he’s a straight-shooter, and if anyone disagrees with us you’re just plain stupid.

Here’s the tweet that set Twitter on fire late last night.

ESPN analyst Dan Orlovsky is cleaner than any of you dummies

Dan is 100% right here. Sorry, but he just is. Is 30 a bit much? Possibly. Danny Boy may be exaggerating a bit there.

But let’s stop with the fake outrage, OK? Taking 30 showers with the same towel ain’t that crazy, and if you think it is you’re a loser.

In fact, if you need to wash your towel after every shower, guess what? Maybe you’re the problem. Maybe you need to shower better. Maybe Dan and I just scrub ourselves so well, so thoroughly, that we don’t need to wash our towel for a month because we’re that damn clean.

Ever think about that?

Evidently not, because poor Dan got eviscerated for his (our) take:

You’re all posers. Sorry, but it is what it is. Everyone on social media loves to jump on a bandwagon, get in front of a parade, drive the duck boats down the river.

Nope, not me. Not Dan.

Honestly, if I wasn’t married I don’t think I’d ever wash my towel. Hell, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure I used the same unwashed towel all four years of college.

Grow up, weirdos, and learn to properly clean yourselves.


Written by Zach Dean

Zach grew up in Florida, lives in Florida, and will never leave Florida ... for obvious reasons. He's a reigning fantasy football league champion, knows everything there is to know about NASCAR, and once passed out (briefly!) during a lap around Daytona. He swears they were going 200 mph even though they clearly were not.

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