Elizabeth Hurley Riding A Watermelon Pool Float, Skinny Charles Barkley Surfaces In Philly & Michael Jordan SI Sets A Record

Videos by OutKick

It turns out taking a leak in the dark moved the needle around here

This is exactly what I’m talking about when I say there are subjects I think will bomb and then the inbox instantly lights up. Taking a leak in the dark is one of those subjects.

• Chris B. in Florida writes:

You will, my friend. You will. Wait ’til your age begins with a 5.

Pro Tip: my beloved got a motion sensor light that’s supposed to hang over the bowl, so you have a target. I don’t need a target, I need to be able to get there without knocking over a hundred bottles of product — so we put it on the floor, and when I step into the bathroom at 3 a.m., I’m greeted by a dim purplish light that doesn’t wake me up, but does guide me to the bowl.

• Brian G. says:

Yes! no lights please I have enough sleep anxiety about falling back asleep that a light would kill me. Don’t engage the brain to think about anything and don’t turn on the light. 

The compromise is I lift the seat, pee 99% accuracy, and then lower the seat (100% of the time.

Also – No one pees through the underwear hole. C’mon

• John from SD is in on this discussion:

  1. When men go to take a wiz, do you pull the underwear down or use the hole? Use the hole!
  2. Is it mandatory to flip off the weight scale before it renders its final verdict? No, deal with it. It’s your consequences that got you there. 
  3. If you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, do you turn on the light or not? This assumes you are able to accurately hit inside the bowl either way and not recovering from a drinking bender. No light, sit and deal with it, you all 50+ know this already!
  4. When you go somewhere in a vehicle with your significant other, screencap members have to do the driving right? Can you mow on Thursday yet not drive the family car? Drove for 20 plus years until I bought the wife her dream car. Now I get to relax, have an extra drink, and let her drive. 
  5. When you celebrate a TD with a group or with friends, should you have to be back to doing only high fives or chest bumps, etc.? No more of that silly fist bump stuff right? High fives!

• Rory shares his experiences:

This is a skill every man should master. Not pitch black, but door open 80% dark or eyes mostly closed so you can go back to sleep. Especially as we can hold it less as we age.

Pro-tip, wipe down the seat regardless and snap a pic for self-defense later.

Speaking of, I have a theory on toilet lid no woman has ever disputed. How many women have fallen in bc the lid was left up? Very few. How many men have peed on a closed toilet seat bc it was left down? None. If we start pissing all over closed toilets collectively we can end this debate once and for all. But we won’t, because we’re respectable.

• Jacob B. writes:

Can’t recommend these enough for our friend Pete. Eliminates the need to turn on the light without feeling like you just looked into the sun

Limited-time deal: Toilet Night Light 2Pack by Ailun Motion Sensor Activated LED, 8 Colors Changing Toilet Bowl Illuminate Nightlight for Bathroom Battery Not Included Perfect with Water Faucet Light

• Kevin in Toboso, OH writes:

Covid sucked for teachers (who are NOT lib, libs) and we are out there. Masks were stupid, online was terrible and the libs in charge lied about most of it.  Made everyone lazier, fall behind and gave them ready-made excuses. Thankfully my principal was over it quick.

Technology is worse though IMO. It is a tool but becomes more of a distraction and impersonal. I miss the days when my students actually cared about sports and the outdoors instead of vid games and tik tok, YouTubers and the rest of social medias ilk.  I think vid games are for losers and a waste of time. Sitting on your couch with a headset doesn’t make you an nfl stud or a Navy seal. Do some hard things.  Mow your yard, watch football, hunt some deer, build something, catch some fish but get off your couch and for the love of all that’s holy take off the headset, you look like a dope.

As far as taking a leak…

1.  tighty whities-pull down. Haven’t owned a pair in 30 years. No racing stripes for me..

2. Boxers (if you want your swimmers to be effective are the way to go) through the hole.

3. Over 50 you take a leak however you want (if you are the man of the house) lights on or off but I am at least a ” lift the lid”. I have 3 women I love and adore and they don’t need to sit on a public toilet.  Most of the time I shut the door and turn the light on. Love my wife and girls and they deserve a clean lid.

4. Once you hit 50 you had better have it figured out. Just saying. Guarantee your bladder will wake you up 1/2 hour before your alarm the rest of your life.

Joe is Burrow gonna be back for the Browns? I can’t take all the miserable Browns fans if we lose week one!

• Jim M has a message for Pete in Arizona:

I think the dude has been stuck in his house with his 5 cats all summer in 150-degree heat!!  

(At least it’s dry!)

Kinda like you going to Florida in August and expecting it to be “comfortable”…. 

(It’s not the heat it’s the humidity!)

Anyway…#3 about the light…flip hall light on near bathroom…so you can see a little…BTW, that’s why our wives buy those stupid rugs, soak up all the neat misses….


Now this is some incredible intel from the old-timers around here. I get that you guys are getting up at all hours to drain the main vein, but this is the first I’m hearing of using toilet LED lights, which look cool, instead of turning on the full lights like typical absolute savages. I’ve never even thought of using toilet lights instead of just flipping the switch, but I’m willing to have my mind changed.

Here’s a question for those of you using the LED toilet lights: How did you choose your illumination color? Did you base it on your favorite NFL team? Favorite college football team? Favorite color?

I’m a big fan of the soft blues for those late-night leaks after passing out in the recliner after late-night college football. Is there a color you experts suggest?

• Yes, Joe Burrow will be back for the Browns. This was the perfect cover to just have him sit the preseason. He’ll be fine.

Do teens still go to athletic events to socialize or did COVID kill that rite of passage?

• Mike N. writes:

We moved the family to Texas in 2019 from Illinois.  While high school football is big in the suburbs of Chicago (the crosstown rivalry game is played at a local college for 10k-15k attendance), it dominates cities in the Austin area. 

When Illinois canceled school sports for the Fall of 2020, Texas middle school and high school football stayed open.  Classes 1A-4A started on time with no delay.  Classes 5A & 6A started 3 weeks delayed but had a full season with the State Championship game in late January 2021.  I was so thankful for Texas football to give both of my boys (starting 8th grade and Junior year in 2020) a relatively “normal” experience with their new friends. 

The Friday night student sections were packed with hundreds of kids as this was THE (and sometimes only) social time for all the kids (including full marching band halftime shows).  The “Not Fauci Approved” typical school day that Fall for my boys:  5AM fully padded practice at school (zero “social distancing”), back home for online classes in the morning, back to school mid-day for another fully padded practice &/or weight room, home for afternoon on-line classes, sometimes back to school for film. 

While we all witnessed the “death of common sense in our lifetimes” with the covid government madness, I will forever be grateful for Friday Night Lights in Texas.

Separately – reading your first week of school activities, I was thinking exactly what Gerard J. wrote – Your next 8 years will feel like 8 seconds… take some pics and videos clips..

• Jay J. from right there in SW Ohio where I grew up says:

HS student attendance at games is like charge mileage for a Tesla: it varies widely!  Generally, teams with a good history have better attendance. SWBL in general has good crowds, including Brookville, who travels well for basketball and soccer. Eaton HS had pretty good student attendance the past few years. Many athletes attend games of their friends in other sports. My youngest regularly went to women’s tennis meets because a friend of his was a great player (won 3 state titles). She came to soccer and basketball games.

For senior night in Soccer, virtually the entire basketball team to cheer for my youngest (he played both), including the basketball coach. The coach grinned, calling him a soccer point guard, he watched Carson directing players where to be. 

For Basketball season, the student section regularly had 75-100 kids in it, they sat together, they were noisy and fun. During warmups, Carson (a 45% 3-point shooter) had a trick he’d play. He’d warm up in front of students, shooting 3s.

He’d take a step back, getting closer to the baseline and the students. Then he’d flip the ball behind his back to a student who would shoot it, while Carson pretended to shoot it. If you didn’t pay close attention you’d think Carson shot it. The AD and the coach knew what he was doing, and they were fine with it, he was building support for the basketball program. 

Best crowd I saw in Carson’s 4 years was archrival Preble Shawnee last year. PS suffered a double murder/suicide, so they postponed the game 5 days until Saturday. Standing room only. Our team wore warmups with a message of support for Preble Shawnee, our student section all signed a posterboard in support, and their cheerleaders taped it to a wall. The two teams came together before the tipoff and informally prayed together.

As for the game, Preble Shawnee has a D1 player, he had 18 in the first half (the team had 21). They beat us by about 20. But after the game, many hugs, goodwill messages, and incredible sportsmanship. HS ball at its finest. 


It’s always great to hear from the Southwestern Buckeye League readers who reference Preble Shawnee and the schools I used to play baseball against. Speaking of which, I’m heading back in mid-September for a golf outing fundraiser for my high school team. One of the guys in my foursome was a high school teammate I haven’t seen since leaving high school. He went on to pitch at Eastern Kentucky. I went on to suck down a bunch of beers at Toledo.

Needless to say, it will be interesting mingling with old friends after all these years.

This will also be the first time I’ve played golf in the Miami Valley in probably 20 years.

(BTW, I still can’t believe Luke Kennard was playing basketball against Brookville. It was like Michael Jordan playing in his prime against some 8th grade team. Take nothing away from the Brookville kids, but that was just flat-out, not fair what he did to them in a 2015 game where he hit 11 first-half 3s.)

The Cart Test vs. the Door Test

• Mike N. sent this one:

Worked for the NBA, but I’m not the Facebook Complainer®

Monday, I blogged about the ex-NBA employee who went rogue on the company’s Facebook account. I welcomed the NBA Facebook Complainer® to explain why he/she took a job that was explained in detail by a human resources department that explained that benefits didn’t kick in for 90 days.

• Chris M. writes:

Long time reader of Outkick here, love the site. I worked in the NBA for 4 years for the Philadelphia 76ers at the onset of Trust the Process. I worked in Marketing. Like the NBA Complainer, I can attest to the crazy hours for low pay. He left out far left-wing policies I didn’t agree with and serious nepotism. 

Also, unlike the NBA complainer, this was my dream and I knew what I was getting into. Having worked in college athletics and the NBA before as an intern I understood what the game of working in sports business was.

Most of those guys got their jobs from their grandparents, aunts and uncles and still complain. Some of the best and worst bosses I’ve ever seen were employed by the NBA. I had to work for it and put my dues in. Eventually, I left for more money and a better quality of life. The dream gets old.


To those of you with kids who have dreams of working in sports and/or sports blogging/writing/Big J Journalism, you need to hear me out: The pay is going to be shitty, the hours are going to be long and the mental grind is going to be unbearable at times.

I’ve said it many, many times — the Big Js end up hating sports because it’s their job and then once the job wears on them for years and years, they become huge assholes who actually hate sports as a result of the grind.

Yes, there are exceptions.

As someone who has done this stuff full-time since 2007 when I was making enough money to pay my electric bill, your kids better be ready to grind and keep themselves mentally sharp. They’ll eventually snap, it’s just a matter of how they come out of that snap.

The sports teams/leagues/ websites know they can just grab some other dreamer out of college to do the jobs, so if they snap and go rogue on Facebook, they need to know the league doesn’t care if they don’t like benefits kicking in after 90 days. Tough. Take it or leave it.

Parents: Please have a coming-to-Jesus heart-to-heart talk with them before they choose this life. Please have your kids email me questions before you drop $100k on the communications degree only to figure out it was a huge mistake. Let me help you before it’s too late.

Sports media is contracting. Don’t get sucked into a vortex of debt over one of these jobs.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Fun jerseys

• Brian in Ohio writes:

Thank God it’s football season. Enjoyed the classic T-shirts you’ve featured recently so I decided to dig out this pic from a trip to the Browns’ season opener in 2019, the good ol’ days. We took the Jet Express to the game. Needless to say, the Browns lost and there were plenty of passed out fans on the return trip.

Note that Blutarsky is guzzling the Bud Light. We went to a Guardians game Saturday night and I saw nobody – I mean nobody – drinking Bud Light. The gigantic beer cooler on the concourse behind the Indians’ (yeah, I said it) dugout didn’t even offer Bud Light.

One more thing before I go. Wondering what the Screencaps community expects at concerts. Took my son to see Eric Church at Blossom south of Cleveland this summer. Great band, lots of talent, played a full set, but … the Chief only belted out about five familiar songs. Didn’t play TALLADEGA for crying out loud. Very disappointing.


Someone like Eric Church should be playing the hits. This isn’t hard. Play the song that allows you to travel around in a million-dollar RV and live in a nice house.

Great emails. Great subjects. Good times.

The heat dome is building across the Midwest. One final push of that pool heat for the football season before that inevitable Saturday where it’s 56, windy, rainy and guys like me hunker down with our hoodies and remotes.

So go have one helluva day. Crush that sales meeting. Enjoy another day of retirement. I’m off to blog.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Numbers from :

Stuff You Guys Sent In & Stuff I Like :

Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

Leave a Reply