Troy Aikman's Girlfriend Haley Clark Goes Boomer Sooner, James Franklin Is Over Dumb Questions & Don't Ever Eat Wendy's Before A Cross-Country Flight

Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps -- which I'm actually writing 30,000-feet in the sky on a Wednesday. And if you've read these spaces for the better part of a year, you know how much I enjoy flying.

This is the first time I've done it in a year, and guess what? It's just as miserable as I remember. You ever try looking up Instagram pictures of Troy Aikman and Haley Clark while sitting in the middle seat using United Wi-Fi? I don't recommend it.

That hasn't even been close to the worst part of this day. You wanna know how it started? With me missing my exit on the way to the airport at 5:30 this morning and then sitting on a ...

Well, just wait a minute. We'll get to it.

Yes, assuming I can hold a signal long enough, we'll cheer on Oklahoma with Haley Clark and Troy Aikman. What a power couple.

We'll also check in with James Franklin up in Happy Valley. Turns out, the ol' ball coach does NOT appreciate dumb questions. Fair.

And yes, we'll go over all the sights and sounds of my horrible trip to California. I could just stop at California and you'd all probably get it, but I'm not in the business of short-changing anyone here. We have class at Nightcaps.

Unlike the weirdo on my bus this morning.

Pour a drink -- Lord knows I have today -- and settle in for a bumpy class.

Let's check in on Zach's trip

Like I said, I hate air travel. All of it, besides -- maybe -- the excuse to drink at an ungodly hour in the morning because time is a flat circle in an airport.

To any of my Florida readers -- you ever tried navigating I-4 in the dark? Not fun. Not easy. I thought I was getting on 417 this morning, instead got on 429. Threw me off course by a solid 15 minutes. Great way to start my day.

Made up some of the time when I finally got back on track, and ended up at my off-site parking lot just after 6:30. Still in good shape. Got there right as the shuttle bus pulled up. Perfect. We're rolling.

Except, it's an absolute RACE to see who can cram their oversized butts into the 20 or so tiny seats on board. Way too much action for this early in the morning, so I'm clearly not running. I get the last seat on the bus thanks to the nice lady who offered to split asscheeks with me on it, and then the crazy lady in front of me starts to raise hell.

Driver wants her to put her luggage in the back. She screams -- through her mask, shockingly -- that she isn't about to put 24k worth of equipment anywhere "but my damn lap."

OK, Karen. We gotcha. You're important. Can't be that important because you're with the rest of us peasants at the off-site economy parking lot, but whatever. If it makes you feel good to yell at poor Julio (great guy, by the way) at 6:30 in the morning over your stupid luggage, knock yourself out.

What a day, and I haven't even gotten to the airport yet.

Sweatshirts, masks, bubble guts and turbulence

Honestly, security was a breeze. Give Orlando credit. I was through in like 15 minutes. I was at the Wendy's by my gate scarfing down a coffee and disgusting sausage, egg and cheese sandy with plenty of time to spare.

That was an awful choice, as I knew it would be. When you're on a pretty regulated bowel schedule each and every morning, just skip breakfast for the 9 a.m. flight. Trust me.

Some other observations:

Let's get back on track with Troy Aikman and Haley Clark

Society is beyond screwed. It's just a matter of time until robots are stealing all our jobs and then crushing us to dust. I will say, it was a delicious coffee, I just prefer it made by real, down-to-earth, great American hands.

Anyway, my connection to Fresno was fine. One of those puddle-jumper flights where you're already descending before you even realize you've taken off. Can't believe I'm now in California. I'm such a sellout.

Did I bring my DeSantis hat along for the trip, though? Absolutely. So let's get to triggering some people. Might as well set the tone right off the bat.

OK, thanks for letting me vent. And thanks for somehow getting me through a pretty miserable day of travel. Here's Haley Clark going Boomer Sooner as a reward!

James Franklin, Jake Funk this dad has had it with today's youth

Thanks for that, Troy Aikman and Haley! Needed it after a long day.

Now, let's rapid-fire this sucker on our way out.

James Franklin, you're up!

Ok! James Franklin, not a fan of stupid hypotheticals. Now we know. Fair enough.

Now, let's move on to new Miami Dolphins RB Jake Funk and Bachelor GF Hannah Ann Sluss:

Welcome to Nightcaps, Hannah!

Finally, let's cap this horrid day with an Arizona father who simply had enough of the nonsense that's going on in today's world.

After seeing what I saw today, I can't blame him:

From NBC 7:

In a video taken from the board meeting, Latham is seen approaching the podium.

“Under the proposed policy, this would be appropriate in a classroom,” Latham says to the school board, before pulling down his shorts and pulling off his shirt to reveal the crop top underneath.

He then spins around to show the audience the outfit from all angles.

Latham said he wanted to make a statement about the updated dress code policy he said is too lax.

And on that cheery note, let's go have a week -- even if it's in California!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Did Haley Clark and Troy Aikman make my trip to California worth it? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.