Tori Spelling Tells One Of The Least Interesting Threesome Stories Ever
There needs to be a new rule for celebrities who resort to telling a threesome story to juice their podcast numbers: It has to actually be a great story.
Or just fake it. Tell us a lie.
Hey celebs, Make Threesome Stories Great Again.
Take the latest threesome story from Tori Spelling, 51, who knows how to PUMP up her podcast numbers. She waited for Super Bowl week to drop details on a threesome she had with a male and female aboard the Queen Mary, which is docked in Long Beach, California.
The threesome, she told her "MisSpelling" podcast listeners, helped her decide she wasn't lesbian or bi-sexual.
I have bad news for you guys. The threesome story isn't even interesting.
"It was me, a male and a female," Spelling said.
Yes, we know.
Go on. Tell us a lie. Make this story interesting!
Spelling went on to explain that she was on the ship with Beverly Hills 90210 cast to shoot for the series. The room, Tori remembered, featured "lots of velvet" and "not some good florals."
OK, please, for the love of God, get to the ACTION. Lie if you have to.
"I don’t think girls nowadays do this because … they’re not there to, like, make guys be like, ‘Oh, my gosh.’ But back in the ’90s, it was kind of a thing and you would do this thing where you would be like, ‘Let’s shock the boys and make them drool,’" Spelling continued. "And you would, like, make out with your friend. Whether you had interests in females or no interest at all, kind of it was like, ‘It’s just two girls kissing.’"
Uh huh.
Tell us the damn story! Holy s--t, the average podcast listener just wants the goods. GIVE US THE GOODS.
"I didn’t have any exploration wants with a female," Tori said as she started to get into the story. "So this was behind the scenes, behind closed doors of the Queen Mary, of all places. My goodness. This boy wanted it and I played along. I don’t think at any point he was like, ‘Oh, my god,’ because he would never have gone forward with it if I had spoken up and said, ‘I don’t want to do this.’ But yeah, I was like, ‘OK, you know, I feel safe with this human. I feel safe with this female human.’ And sure, I always say you gotta try anything once."
And?
Guys are working on job sites reading this on pins and needles over how this ends. Tori, these steelworkers don't have all day to hear this story. SAY IT!
"I came away from it feeling like, ‘OK, I think I’ll stick to boys. I’m definitely into boys. Maybe just kissing girls, like, for shock value in front of boys, but other than that, I’m good.’ And I felt like I was just too nervous. I was anxious the whole time. The whole experience just felt off," Spelling revealed.
And that's how Tori Spelling determined she was straight.
That has to be one of the worst threesome stories ever told in Hollywood.