RGIII Fudges Up, Pumpkin Spice Is Violence, California Bans Skittles, Mark Davis Hits Airport Slots & Brody Jenner's Gross Coffee

For the first time in my life, I have been called a bandwagon fan.

While casually chatting with a stranger about our preferred sports teams, he rolled his eyes at me. I knew that look. It was the same look I used to give my old college buddy in the early 2000s who liked the New England Patriots, the Boston Red Sox and Duke basketball.

"So you like whoever's good?" he asked.

Some people might get offended by this question. But for me, it was almost a badge of honor.

See, I'm a fan of the Miami Dolphins, Arizona Diamondbacks and Tennessee Vols. I know my teams are all over the map. I have also lived all over the map. And although I don't have to justify my fanhood to you, Nightcaps readers, I assure you I have never wavered over the decades. Even when it sucked.

And man, did it suck for a long time.

But now, I find myself with a 4-1 NFL team leading the AFC East (with the Patriots in dead f-cking last, praise Jesus), a respectable top-25 college football team and a baseball team leading 2-0 in the NLDS.

When I tell you I use to pray for times like this, folks, I used to PRAY for times like this.

Mike Greenberg is still praying.

For real, though, I have never been so excited to be a sports fan in my life. I don't even know what to do with myself.

I know there's plenty of baseball and plenty of football left. Anything can happen. Everything can come crashing down at a moment's notice.

But at least for right now, man it feels good not to suck at everything.

An on that note, I could go for a beer. Join me. It's Nightcaps time!

RGIII Earns ESPN A Fudging Fine

You can't say f-ck on TV.

Well, not on most networks anyway. But during ESPN's Monday Night Football pregame show, Robert Griffin III got awfully close. While coming to the defense of Baltimore Ravens quarterback Lamar Jackson, viewers called out RGIII for dropping an F-bomb.

"The real question we need to ask is: Is he getting enough out of the guys around him on offense before we start talking about his contract?" Griffin said. "He's out there fighting for his (f-ing) life, man. I don't know what more the guy can do."

But RGIII claims he actually said "fudging." We'll be the judge of that!

OK, I think he pretty clearly said "fudging." Judging by his reaction, though, Ryan Clark disagrees with me.

But according to The New York Post, ESPN still caught a hefty fine for Griffin's slur.

What they should get a fine for is RGIII's horrendous outfit, which he clearly bought in Barbieland. And judging by how small that jacket is, it might actually belong to Margot Robbie. And you know he winked at himself in the mirror when he matched his pocket square with his glasses.

If you hate his suit as much as I do, blame his wife. Because according to Grete Griffin's latest Tiktok, she is also his stylist.

The Violent Origins Of Pumpkin Spice

Listen, you can call me a basic bitch if you want. But when I start seeing pumpkin flavored/scented/shaped/colored anything in the stores, I get excited.

And it's not because I want to spend my college football Saturday at the pumpkin patch or drink 700-calorie caffeinated sugar milk from Starbucks. It's because pumpkin means fall. And fall means perfect weather, football and delicious Oktoberfest beers.

It is the best time of year.

But apparently, we're not allowed to enjoy that anymore. Because according to the Washington Post, you should not drink a fall latte or eat a homemade pie without reflecting on the violent history of pumpkin spice.

See, when the Dutch invaded the Banda Islands in 1621, they did so with little regard for the natives who inhabited the islands. And they only wanted one thing: nutmeg.

Along with nutmeg, pumpkin spice typically consists of cinnamon, cloves and ginger — all of which were "touched by violence." Therefore, your wife's favorite fall flavor is actually a symbol of cruelty and colonization.

"Whenever foods enter the pop culture lexicon the way pumpkin spice has in the U.S., it's important to acknowledge how it reached us," food historian Sarah Wassberg Johnson told the outlet.

In other words, don't worry! WaPo says it's still OK to enjoy pumpkin-flavored treats. As long as you do it with a heaping side of white guilt.

And if that history lesson wasn't enough to convince you pumpkin spice is offensive, I offer you... whatever this is.

Brody Jenner Drank What?

If you're not really into the pumpkin spice lattes, Brody Jenner is here to offer you an alternative.

For starters, I don't know who Brody Jenner is or what he does. Besides the fact that he's part of the Kardashian/Jenner empire and he's rich. But apparently enough people care that he and his fiancée Tia Blanco have a YouTube diary, where thousands of people ooh and ahh over their every move.

Honestly, good for them.

Anyway, in the latest Brody vlog, he takes viewers along on his exciting journey to make his morning coffee. But — hold on — they're out of almond milk!

Before you panic, don't worry. He has a solution: Tia's breast milk.

"I hear it's very nutritious, I hear it's very delicious," Jenner said. "I think it will do."

Brody and Tia then sit in bed and sip on their breast milk coffee together like a couple of rich weirdos with a YouTube channel.

You know, I understand if it's good for babies, it's probably fine for us, too. But you will never convince me this milk substitute was as "delicious" as Brody tried to claim it was.

Black coffee for life.

Gavin Newsom Bans Skittles

You can cut off your kids genitals and pump them full of cross-sex hormones, but feeding them Skittles is where we draw the line! Gavin Newsome, the high and mighty slick-haired leader of the Golden State, has banned the sale of Skittles in California.

Which leads to one vitally important question: Who will spread the word that Black Trans Lives Matter?!

Ok, but for real.

It's not just Skittles. The California Food Safety Act targets all food products that contain brominated vegetable oil, potassium bromate, propylparaben or red dye 3. And red dye 3 is especially interesting.

The FDA banned the use of red dye 3 in cosmetics in 1990 after evidence showed it caused cancer in lab animals. And since 1994, the European Union allowed Red no. 3 to be used in candied and cocktail cherries only. But the U.S. government has yet to prohibit its use in food.

I'm actually on the fence about this one.

On one hand, it's one move by Gavin Newsom I actually like. Because for the past few decades, our government has done an epically sh-tty job of promoting health and nutrition among its citizens. Bought and paid for by Big Pharma and junk food companies, U.S. politicians are only contributing to our nation's obesity and general slobbishness problems.

On the other hand, I generally believe the power belongs to the people. And while the government shouldn't encourage the consumption of garbage, it also shouldn't tell American citizens what food they are and aren't allowed to eat.

Plus, as Mario Lopez explains, California has way bigger problems than a few bags of Skittles.

Mark Davis Kills Time In The Airport

In case you haven't heard, Las Vegas Raiders owner Mark Davis seemingly has himself a hot, young new girlfriend.

She sat in the box with him during the Raiders win over the Green Bay Packers last night. And she is definitely dating him for his charm and charisma and definitely not because he's worth an estimated $2.3 billion.

Speaking of Davis' extravagant wealth, social media caught him gambling at the Vegas airport before the game.

I have so many questions. First off, why is a billionaire wasting his time playing "Wheel of Fortune" slots next to baggage claim? Second, does he really not fly private?

Also, the slots in the Vegas airport are considered the worst sucker bet in the city. Surely he knows this.

I'm not a gambler. I'll throw $5 at a sports bet from time to time, but I don't do slots, cards, craps, anything like that. I've been to Vegas many times, but I'm more of a get dressed up, eat good food and hang by the pool type of gal.

But this scene at Harry Reid International makes me think of my trips to BFE Illinois, where my husband is from. They have slot machines in the gas stations, and if you go in there late at night, it's the saddest and most depressing thing you've ever seen. Shoo.

Sorry for the damper. Mark Davis is doing just fine.

Happy X/X Day!

Today is October 10 (otherwise known as 10/10 or X/X). It's Real Women's Day. In other words, today we celebrate the women who don't have penises.

I'll let Riley explain.

Shoutout to all the badass women fighting against the nonsense and the evils of gender ideology. And a huge thank you to the men who have our backs.

Don't ever back down.

Things That Made Me LOL

Mostly just dog videos today. Please enjoy.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X (or Twitter, if you’re still calling it that) at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.