Police Official In Canada Warns That Posting Video Of Porch Pirates Violates Their Privacy, Which Is Kind Of The Point
People stealing packages off of another person's porch — or porch pirating — is probably one of the single trashiest crimes out there. Only an absolute scumbag would do it.
Fortunatley, those willing to risk a run-in with Johnny Law to steal the case of Dude Wipes you ordered on Amazon, often wind up with their dumb mugs plastered online thanks to the advent of video doorbells.
While you'd think those in law enforcement would be on board with that sort of thing, at least one official in Canada issued a warning about posting videos like that.
The reason: it could harm the criminals' privacy.
"Montreal West is known for its large porches, but around the holidays, those porches are a big target for thieves or ‘porch pirates,’" CTV News Montreal journalist Olivia O’Malley said, per Fox News Digital.
Ah, yes. The world-renowned giant porches of Montreal West. You know what they say about big porches.
That's right: big target.
However, it's not the size of your porch that matters. It's all about how you use it. Obviously, some dirtbags are using them as their own personal stealing grounds.
So, if this is a big problem, then the best recipe for thwarting these Amazon van-stalking monsters is to post some Ring doorbell videos online, rinse, and repeat.
Right?
Nope. Not in Quebec, eh?
An actor pretends to steal a package off of someone's porch. It's not very convincing though, because most porch pirates are too stupid to even think of wearing a bandana. (Getty Images)
Official Warns People Not To Post Videos Of Porch Pirates
"You cannot post the images yourself because you have to remember, in Canada, we have a presumption of innocence and posting that picture could be a violation of private life," Lt. Benoit Richard of the Sûreté du Québec (SQ), or the local police force said.
...Yeah... that's the point of posting them online...
We have a presumption of innocence here in the States too. I just don't know that it applies here.
I know the court of law might see it differently, but I stop presuming one's innocence when there's a video of them committing a crime.
So, then what is one to do if they fall victim to a porch pirate?
"If you get some proof that somebody might have stolen something, call the police, give that proof to the police," Richard said. "We'll do the investigation, bring that person to justice and file some charges."
But what if the proof is the video?
Make it make sense!
What Is Going On In Canada?
Canada used to be like our cool cousin. We had a lot of similar interests and could really relate to each other. Sure, it was colder there than it is here and they spell the word "color" with a superfluous, "U." Still, we understood each other.
Now, over the last few years, it's like a huge chunk of the country spent years taking gender studies courses at San Francisco State.
Now, they've got police trying to protect the privacy of people caught on camera stealing packages?
What's next? They're going to try to protect a high school shop teacher who showed up with absurdly giant prosthetic breasts that look like they were purchased at a Spencer's Gifts?
Wait... I'm being told that already happened...
It seems like the toothpaste is out of the tube up there in the Great White North.
So, if things start to get as backward here in the US as it is in Canada, we won't have a choice...
We will have to blame Canada...
Follow on X: @Matt_Reigle