Pizza Hut Unveils Abomination Disguised As A Menu Item

Baseball season is finally here, and everyone has their own unique way of celebrating the return of the boys of summer.

Personally, I pop in my Jimmy Buffett Greatest Hits CD, the same one my dad played in his Ford Bronco on the way to Marlins games when I was a kid, and cruise around while the nostalgia washes over me.

Whatever your preferred method, it's clear that there's something magical about baseball compared to other sports; something a bit more romantic.

The enterprising minds at Pizza Hut decided to get in on the action and commemorate the start of baseball in their own twisted way.

"You know what goes great with baseball? Hot dogs! Why don't we make a hot dog-themed pizza? It's brilliant!"

Feast your eyes on this monstrosity!

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I think I'm going to hurl.

Guys, what do I keep telling you about the Frankenstein's monster food items?

We have pretty much perfected culinary items in the Western World, so why do we keep tempting fate like this and playing God?

To quote Dr. Ian Malcolm from Jurrasic Park, "Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."

As my good buddy Matt Reigle said when asked about his thoughts on this, "I'm opposed to messing with pizza crust in any way."

I really love Pizza Hut, as they have fed me and my family on many occasions, but this is inexcusable.

My favorite part of this whole thing, though, is that the weapon of mass destruction called the "hot dog stuffed pizza" is only available in Canada.

Yep, it's one of America's most famous and favorite foods, coinciding with the start of America's pastime, but you can only get this abomination in the land of maple syrup and Rush, where only one of the 30 MLB teams reside.

Commenters recognized the irony of this gatekeeping as well.

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Honestly, it's for the best.

Keep that war crime you call a menu item north of the border, please.