Since When Is Putting A Bunch Of Regular-Sized Cheesesteaks In A Line World Record-Worthy?!
World records just aren't what they once were...
For most of my life, I have been fascinated by world records and the people who break them.
Heroes who decided "Meh, I'm done trimming my fingernails," or who decided to see how many clothespins they could clip to their face, or who were an otherwise ordinary set of fat identical twins that just so happened to look hilarious while riding small motorcycles.
But now it seems like you can set a world record for anything.
Case in point: the world's largest line of cheesesteaks.
According to Airport Experience News, 100 volunteers spent about 55 minutes assembling hundreds of pounds of meat and cheese into over 1,200 cheesesteaks, which were placed in a line at the Philadelphia International Airport.
Now, this was not the largest cheesesteak ever made, nor was it the largest number of cheesesteaks ever assembled.
It was the "world's largest line of cheesesteaks."
…So?!
If they had made the ends of the line meet, could that become the world's biggest circle of cheesesteaks?
Divide the line into three and make the world's biggest triangle of cheesesteaks.
Hell, divide it into fourths and make the biggest square of cheesesteaks the world has ever seen.
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The folks at Guinness — who I feel like are just letting anything be a record these days — said that this record was a "first-time category creator."
This is part of the problem.
Nowadays, if you do anything for the first time, give Guinness a heads-up, and they'll give you a record.
I mean, how many lines of cheesesteaks are you aware of anyway?! If they had put two dozen cheesesteaks nose-to-tail, I bet it would've obliterated the previous record.
All I'm saying is we need to go back to the freakshow days of the Guinness Book of World Records. A time when men were men, and getting in the book required smoking as many cigarettes as they could cram into their mouths at once.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go try to set the record for "Most Hot Dogs Arranged In A Heptagon."