Paulina Gretzky Gives America A Woody, Danica Patrick Has Nine Lives & Tony Romo Makes A Mess On Air

What a weekend. Sure, it gets dark at 4:30 now, but does it really matter when you have a sports weekend like THAT? Of course not. I wish it would get dark at 1 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays all fall, just so I'd have even more of an excuse to not leave my couch. 

The bad news? October is over. Halloween is back in hibernation for the next year. Mariah Carey is back. The holiday season is here, which is fine unless it's Nov. 3. A little early for me. 

The First Lady wants to pull down the fall decorations this week and make our house a winter wonderland. I don't know that I have the energy for this fight. We'll see. 

The good news? We're in the heart of football season now, and we've got a lot on our plate from here on out. All gas, no brakes as we head into the final two months of 2025. Let's make it count. 

Welcome to Monday Nightcaps – the one where Paulina Gretzky gives America one final Halloween woody before we transition to Christmas. 

What else? I've got the best of the rest from a loaded weekend #content, Danica Patrick has nine lives, Tony Romo might have finished on national TV yesterday, and Kirk Herbstreit HATES kickers with short pants. 

Nobody was more disgusted this weekend than Kirk. I respect it. 

Grab you a sandwich for National Sandwich Day, and settle in for a Monday 'Cap!

A couple last-minute Halloween heaters before we turn the page 

Nothing beats a good sammich. So simple, so effective. Has gotten the job done now for centuries. I had Firehouse yesterday for the first time in probably two years, and the Hook ‘N Ladder still holds up. I’d put that sub up against any sub in the world. 

As far as sammies go, I'd rank ‘em like this. Sure, you didn't ask, but I'm gonna tell you anyway, because I've got some time to kill. 

1. Meatloaf Sammy (hot and with mustard)

2. Roast beef and swiss with horseradish, red onion on whole wheat (used to make these all day during my time as a sandwich maker at Bartlett's Farm in Nantucket)

3. Fried bologna (we went over this last week)

4. Your classic turkey, mayo and cheese (simple but always a winner if done right)

My grandpa used to eat a tomato sandwich all the time when he was alive. Just a fat beefsteak tomato with mayo and bread. That was it. And you know what? It worked. Miss that dude. 

OK, let's get to a couple late submissions for Halloween costumes of the year before we officially turn the page:

What a weekend of #content!

A lot of winners there. Nice work, everyone! Danica Patrick as cat woman? Easy ‘dub. Kay Adams brought it strong with the Adams Family vibe, and that should surprise absolutely no one. Jen Sterger has been on a HEATER lately, and she’s actually got a new calendar coming out that you'll see in a minute. 

And how about former Penn State sprinter Zoey Goldstein making a return to class after a year away?! Looks like she'll do just fine in California. Welcome back!

OK, let's get to the best #content from maybe the best sports weekend of the year. Jen, you might as well lead us off!

Paulina, Herbie fully loaded & Romo needs to hydrate 

What a way to end October/start November! Nobody is more locked in than you guys right now. We're in for a photo finish this year. Strap in. 

Couple thoughts …

1. NOBODY hates the new(ish) NFL kickoff more than Trump. Guy despises it. He's right, too. It's so dumb. Looks so stupid. Every team basically starts on the 40 now. It's silly. 

2. How much of a bummer has Harrison Ford become? Sad. He's not quite as insufferable as Mark Hamill at this point, but there's still time. First Luke Skywalker and now Indiana Jones. Whoooof. 

3. Jayden Daniels has always seemed way too skinny to me, dating back to his LSU days. He got away with it last year. Why was he in the game last night? Perhaps someone should look into that. 

PS: Redskins-Dolphins in Madrid in two weeks. I hope they tariff the hell out of us after that. 

4. Can't wait to get my hands on the new Jen Sterger calendar! Sounds like a stocking stuffer to me!

OK, let's rapid-fire this first-Monday-of-November class into a big Monday night. First up? Anyone catch this takedown from Herbie on Saturday?

My God, Herbie! This kid has a family. Good lord. Take it down a notch, pal. Just firing piss missiles at this kicker left and right, even AFTER he drills it from 50. 

PS: Herbie started his Saturday by shilling for ESPN as the battle with YouTube TV reached a climax (like Romo!):

How did our YouTube TV customers do over the weekend? Did y'all switch to Fubo or Hulu? Did you actually buy ESPN's stupid app? Did you stand your ground and just watch Fox/NBC instead? Let me know! 

Luckily, you still got CBS, which meant you got to hear Tony Romo (allegedly) ejaculate on air yesterday!

I didn't even realize we were getting a Romo/Mahomes/Allen game this weekend until I turned it on yesterday afternoon. Tony delivered, as he always does, with those two quarterbacks. 

Nobody loves Pat and Josh more than Tony. He was actively campaigning for CBS to get this game NEXT YEAR … during the third quarter. 

Incredible. 

Hard to argue with that after hearing that soundbite from Tony. Pray for Jim!

OK, that's it for today. Good start to the week. Good start to the month. 

Take us home, Paulina Gretzky!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

How'd you handle the YouTube TV/ESPN situation over the weekend? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.